Remember Jonathan Brandis?

Jonathan from "The Neverending Story II"

For me, one of the joys of parenthood is exposing my children to movies from my childhood that I loved.  I’m not sure if I’m just trying to share my early joys and excitement from films with them, or if it is some sort of devious attempt at creating little Zac clones, one 90 minute bite at a time.  Regardless, our latest film was “The NeverEnding Story“, from 1984.  It’s the story of Bastian and his alter ego:  Atreyu, and how he fights the nothing by continuing to dream and hope for things that seem impossible and fantastic (leaning on the “fantasy” root of this word).  We found the DVD at Wal-Mart, and to my surprise and delight, it included the sequel:  “The NeverEnding Story II“.

It always seemed odd to me that a movie with a title like “The NeverEnding Story” would have a sequel, as I kept watching the film over and over, keeping with the “neverending” theme.  My children did not particularly like the sequel, and instead asked me if they could just watch the original film again (and again, and again….. my plan is working!  Ahem.)  I did not enjoy the sequel either, but I did notice the fact that it was one of the breakthrough roles for young actor Jonathan Brandis.

I remembered Jonathan from his roles in Ladybugs and Sidekicks, not to mention the NBC series Seaquest DSV.  He was kind of a hearthrob in my pre-teen and early teenage years for most of the girls around me.  I must admit that my haircut in 7th grade was largely influenced by Mr. Brandis:

Me in 7th grade

Jonathan and his sweet hair

Some of my friends lovingly referred to this as the “butt cut” due to the clear part down the middle.  My hair did not have the body that his had, so I didn’t fully succeed with my imitation.  It was a look that I admired, and he was someone whom I admired.  He was four years older than me, which made him infinitely cooler than me, but also seemed to give me something to shoot for, as I matured.  He seemed to have it all:  good looks, good health, a successful movie career, and lots of famous friends.  It was an enviable situation for most boys who grew up in Generation Y.

After SeaQuest, his acting career started to slip from the heights of sharing the screen with Chuck Norris.  He was no longer cast as the lead in movies, and quickly fell into the background of movies that were themselves in the background of the American pop culture consciousness.  He said that he wanted to start writing movies, but found that it did not “pay the mortgage”.  He began to drink a little more, and looked to figure out what his next step in life would be.  On November 12, 2003, Jonathan’s friends found his body hanging from a nylon cord in his apartment complex.  He was 27.

I was so saddened to hear this, and especially surprised that I didn’t hear about it until late 2007. His autopsy report showed that he had no drugs and only a .03 alcohol content in his system.  He left no suicide note.  Jonathan’s role in the Bruce Willis movie Hart’s War had been cut out, and his friends were aware of how much this hurt him. I can’t image what pain his parents went through at that time and what they still go through each day, knowing that Jonathan should still be with them.

Years of research in cognitive psychology field has yielded a lot of data about how our performance follows after our thoughts of ourselves.  I am fascinated by this and continue to learn more about this through my work with The Pacific Institute.  I wonder how much of what Jonathan thought of himself had to do with his career as an actor.  I wonder how much his financial situation took a toll on his psyche.  I wonder what it would be like to have to compare your success level to… yourself, at a younger age.

My favorite part of the first “Neverending Story” movie is when Atreyu looks into the Magic Mirror and sees Bastian.  Engywook, a helpful gnome tells Falcor, the luck dragon, about the Magic Mirror:

Engywook:
Nonsense!  You don’t understand anything!  The worst one is coming up.  Next is the Magic Mirror gate.  Atreyu has to face his true self.

Falkor:
So what?  That won’t be too hard for him.

Engywook:
Oh!  That’s what everyone thinks.  But kind people find that they are cruel, brave men discover that they are really cowards.  Confronted with their true selves most men run away screaming!

After reading this in his book, Bastian throws the book across the room, not believing it to be true.  It is nearly impossible for him to believe that he could share the same identity as Atreyu, the brave warrior.  In my 29 years, I’ve been encouraged to believe that anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.  It was a phrase that screamed potential for greatness and success.  Now, more than ever, I still believe this.  But I now understand the potential for destruction that goes along with putting your mind towards something, or letting your mind get put towards something that you do not intend it to.

We all have great potential.  It begins in our minds.  I am more and more conscious of my thoughts each day.  What are you thinking about?

Rest in peace Jonathan.  Your life continues to speak to me.