“Dazes in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ. I think we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.” John Mayer
I have so many memories of my adolescence that were colored by Michael Jackson’s music. Of all the people in my Jr. High, I was probably the biggest Michael Jackson fan of them all. Ryan Rivetto and Ben Thompson can surely testify to this, as I exposed them constantly to his music with explanations as to why they should share in my joy and passion of the music, lyrics, and accompanying videos. As I’m writing this, MTV is playing Michael’s Dirty Diana song, which was the only one that Ryan could tolerate (mostly because he could imagine Pearl Jam covering it).
My personal favorite song was Smooth Criminal. You may remember the video where he is hearing the white gangster (not gangsa) suit, breaking pool balls, and doing “the lean”. I’ve embedded the video below if you want to see what I’m talking about:
When Alien Ant Farm covered this song during my college years, I about peed my pants. It was a ridiculous (in a good way) amalgamation of the music of my childhood and the music of my young adulthood.
Today, the day after, has been easier for me to deal with this emotionally than it was last night. The more I’ve thought about it, and wondered why it was affecting me so much, I think that Jon Mayer’s words above shed some light on things. Michael Jackson’s missing childhood has been discussed and pointed to as the cause of much of his erratic behavior over the last 20 years. It was as if at some point, he got locked into a state of arrested development. He spent his time with younger children, sometimes crossing sexual lines with them as he showed his affection and love. Macaulay Culkin was one his best friends, nearly 20 years his junior. His home was a type of amusement park with toys that would put all other man caves to shame (in many senses of the word). He wanted to go back to that part of innocence of playing and loving. He sang for world peace. He wanted to Heal the World. Michael wanted to return to that time of his childhood.
I won’t try to speak for other fans, but his death left me feeling the same way. I think back to dancing in my bedroom with my sister (poor girl had few options for entertainment back then). I remember sitting in my bed, just letting the lyrics of his songs pour into my mind and heart, filling me with dreams of doing something huge, achieving my dreams, making a difference, and having true love. In a strange way, his love for children greatly impacted my life and my own love for children. I’ve noticed that the first thing most people will use to describe me to others is my love for my children.
It’s so freeing to go back to those times in my mind. It’s easy to be intoxicated by memories and dwell on the good, the beautiful, and the hopeful. I’m sure that there were times of stress and pain, but I’ve pushed a lot of them out of my mind. I see a lot of times in my life where I have made decisions that reflected my desire to go back to a world that doesn’t exist like my mind tries to tell me it did. I know that Matt Van Tassel wishes that Jon and Kate’s drama would go away soon, and he may just get his wish with all of the media coverage of this death. With apologies to Matt, I see a lot of Jon’s behavior being a result of this same kind of thinking. Wanting to relive his twenties or live them for the first time, I’m not sure. Just my opinion based on what I have viewed through the lens of my own experience.
So Michael, I am so very sad about the things in your life that did not reflect your principles of love, peace, and beauty. Your music impacted my life and helped me to become who I was, who I am now, and who I will be. Though some parts of your life were tragic, I celebrate you and thank you for living it in a way that allowed me to share it, albeit from a great distance. Rest in peace.
