Even if you consider yourself a soccer fan, unless you live in Germany, there’s a decent chance that you have never heard of Robert Enke. That might have changed during the summer of 2010, with the expectation that South Africa’s World Cup will be the most watch soccer tournament in history. You see, Enke was rising to the top of the German goalkeeper depth chart. There was a great chance that he would have started a match or two, if not all of them.
With such a high profile tournament, television production companies often highlight stories of human interest among teams, players, fans, or locations. ESPN might have chosen to profile Enke and the tragedy of losing his 2-year-old daughter in 2006. Her rare heart condition ended up taking her life, and breaking Robert’s heart as well. Even with an outpouring of support from friends and fans all around him, Robert became mired in a deep depression.
While you can never replace an individual human’s life with another, Robert and his wife Theresa began the process of adopting a new daughter in 2008. But even caring for his new daughter, Leila, could not replace the growing hole in his heart as he replayed the death of his first daughter, Lara, over and over again in his mind.
On Tuesday, November 10, Robert stepped in front of a train with the intention of ending his life. Tragically, he was successful. Through his suicide note, his wife, and his psychiatrist, we now know that it was a fear of losing Leila that motivated his act.
If you believe that we move toward and become like that which we think about, then it may make sense to you that Robert Enke could not shake his daughter’s death from his life. Even if it seems incomprehensible that someone could take himself away from his daughter by suicide, in an attempt to prevent his daughter from being taken away from him, that was likely a part of his thought process.
His depression was deep, but it was a secret. Enke believed that It was keeping this secret that kept his new daughter from being taken from him. If the adoption organization were to know about his depression, perhaps they would take Leila away. Knowing the thread he hung on by after Lara’s death, another lost child would do him in. So even on the precipice of his greatest soccer glory, his future seemed uncertain and dreadful.
Perhaps that is why he traded in his tomorrows for the relief of no longer thinking about the pain of loss. It’s a shame. Hopefully his story will reach those living with depression and encourage them to reach out, even at the risk of social or professional peril.
For now, it is time to heal.
