On April 26, 2007, the Los Angeles Times printed a story about one man’s transition from male to female, and the road that led him to that decision. The twist, in this story, was that the essay was written by one of their own (a sportswriter). It was news that shocked many, but gave courage to countless more. With the talent of his writing still very much in tact, even as much of his world was crumbling around him, Mike Penner “came out” to his co-workers, peripheral friends, and his reading audience with a promise: To return to them as someone new, Christine Daniels.
I want to give you the link to his revelatory article, and I will. But first, you should probably know the end of this tale. This same sportswriter, Mike Penner, was found dead on Friday. He was 52.
Although the official cause of death has not been released, most around the L.A. Times have acknowledged it was suicide. Mike’s transition to Christine was not permanent. By October 2008, he was again writing for the Times as Mike Penner. Whether the regression back to male status was temporary or not, we do not know. What we do know is that his journey was not finished after his essay was published 2 and 1/2 years ago.
Really, as I’m writing this, I keep reflecting on his 2007 essay over and over. It’s beautiful, laugh out loud funny, poignant, and courageous. I’ll just include one quote here, a question that transcends gender-confusion and touches many people with a secret:
“How do you go about sharing your most important truth, one you spent a lifetime trying to keep deeply buried, to a world that has grown familiar and comfortable with your façade?”
Although I’m confident that he didn’t coin the phrase, I often let the lyrics Steven Tyler sang in the Aerosmith song “Livin’ On The Edge
“Life’s a journey, not a destination.”
Like many popular quotes, after they become common, they become trite. The truth of this statement is hard to for me to ignore. With so few things in this world that are permanent, it’s frustrating to me how often I feel like I have “arrived” somewhere. It’s an announcement that “the struggle is over” and falseness has given way to truth. But somehow, the “arrival” is an illusion. Even Steven Tyler’s personal journey to sobriety is in serious question, after years of staying at the “Hotel de Sober”.
It’s more than tricky to balance the concept of our personal identity with our habitual actions, even something as personal as sexual orientation or gender. Mike/Christine spent the majority of his life wearing a mask, and when the facade was lifted, the struggle was not over. Life is struggle, life is movement, life is dynamic. The most significant events of our lives shape much of how we act, but they do not define who we are.
We are human before we are writers, employees, artists, Christians, Muslims, lovers, warriors, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, men, or women.
Mike Penner had a gift for seeing the human side of his sports assignments. He surely developed this from his own struggle with his identity as a human. It’s tragic that his struggle is now over, especially for those closest to him. His life and death have reminded me of the correlation between struggle and growth. I am thankful to him for this.
You can read his “Old Mike, New Christine” article here. It is my hope that it will be encouraging, and uplifting, and not just a mere cautionary tale of the danger of change.
Mike Penner/Christine Daniels, rest in peace.
