Even though I may not be able to make a sailor blush, I’ve been known to run a blue streak with my mouth from time to time. Most of the time, it has been a moment of anger that would inspire an outburst of coarse or profane language from my lips. But, with my close friends, I felt comfortable enough to let a few s-words and f-bombs fly in the midst of regular conversation.
I can vividly remember the first time that I said “Goddamnit” in Matti’s basement, with my friend Ryan glaring at me in silent horror. At the time, I felt shame and regret, but that didn’t stop me from arguing about the word’s relative evil or sinfulness compared to the others that we threw around as teenagers. Most of the other swear words or put-downs that I employed in my youth didn’t seem to have much to do with the situation or people that I inflicted them on. There wasn’t a real victim in my choice of language (other than my own vocabulary and the object of my malice, of course). It wasn’t as if a proctologist would wince every time I said “a–hole” without regards for the literal definition of the word.
Not a lot has changed in my foul-language patterns since that time. I’m not a saint, and my angry moments can still stir up the more colorful part of my tongue.
However, there is one word that has always given me pause. It’s not just speaking it that bothers me, it’s hearing it as well. In fact, it’s been almost 20 years since I used the r-word (retard) in a derogatory way.
Corky and the family from "Life Goes On"
I’m not sure why this word offended me so deeply, like the n-word. I didn’t have a close friend or family member that was retarded or developmentally disabled in some way. My closest relationship to anyone with a mental retardation was Corky from “Life Goes On“. I don’t say that in jest. I have always had an unusually close relationship with television characters. I have kids named Kiefer and Evangeline. I understand that it is a little odd, but it has always been an easy way for me to relate to the rest of humanity.
Nonetheless, when anyone would say the r-word, I would immediately imagine Corky standing next to me, turning to me, and asking the question: “Is that person saying that there is something wrong with me?” This imaginary friend of mine helped me to keep my lips sealed from uttering the r-word in that context ever again.
During my sixth grade geography class yesterday, we somehow began a discussion about the r-word. I asked the students if anyone had a family member who would be considered retarded. A student raised his hand and shared some details about his uncle. I explained my thoughts on the r-word and the lack of tolerance that would offered in my classes in regards to that word.
We talk about meaningful topics quite a bit, but this seemed different. They were silent. Pensive. It was a powerful moment. I could almost see the wheels turning in the minds of my students as they considered the potency of that word in their own vernacular.
Last night, I noticed that Sarah Palin has taken up a campaign against the usage of the r-word. Although it may have started out as a political move to draw attention to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s use of the r-word in reference to liberal democrats, the point is well taken by Republicans and Democrats. It brings to mind the uproar caused by President Obama on the Tonight Show last year, captured in this CNN.com article from spring of 2009.
Political motivation aside, I actually agree with and commend Mrs. Palin for her stand against this word. Kudos and cool points to her on this.
In less than a month, on 03-03-10, an organization is gearing up to spread awareness about ridding the world of the r-word, or at least as it is all to commonly used right now. This group is an offshoot of the Special Olympics. Their website is www.r-word.org, and even features an “r-word counter”, where you can see how often your favorite websites have used the r-word (Disclaimer: www.zacparsons.com was proudly r-word free before the publishing of this article.). There are resources of how to get involved in the quest to “Spread the word, to end the word”.
Of note, there is a video of John C. McGinley (Scrubs) giving a talk to a group of elementary school students about using the r-word.
I’ve stopped using the r-word for a long time now. I’d be proud and encouraged if you chose to do the same. What do you say?
