My posts have become increasingly infrequent over the past several weeks. While the hustle and bustle of the holiday season would be an acceptable excuse to take some time off from the site, I’m afraid that the reason is a bit more personal, but nonetheless still acceptable (I presume).
After a second go-round, my wife and I are getting another divorce. While this is not I wanted or expected, I can understand why it’s come to this. As my college roommate respectfully pointed out to me last week, I’ve become quite a different person in the past decade or so. Instead of the conservative, ministry-minded college student that I once was, I am something else entirely. Time changes people, and people change over time.
In what has already been an extremely difficult time, I recognize the value and cathartic effect of writing. But my thoughts have been so emotionally charged and scattered, I haven’t disciplined myself to actually do that. Also, I have a particular idea in my head of what an article should look like. It has a particular length, some good hyperlinks, maybe some pictures, and a snappy title if I’m lucky.
I’ve decided that such a box needs to be broken and discarded. I’m going to be writing more frequently, but with less of a clear format. Perhaps sometimes I’ll just post a Twitter-length thought or two. Later, I might go off and pound out a 1,000+ word treatise on the virtues of some pop culture nugget that has a stranglehold on my mind.
For the time being though, I don’t think that I’ll be discussing my relationship with my wife (ex-wife?) much. My emotions will color too much of my thoughts and will probably cause me to ruminate more than is healthy.
Time spent in a valley seems much more dire in that moment than when reflected on from a later mountaintop.
I think I’ll look forward to that mountaintop, when these cuts and bruises will just be scars and stories, and I’ll be more capable of a rational examination of this chapter.
Until then…
Sunrise from my airplane window. I watched it emerge from the indigo curtain.
