My wife and were doing one of those repetitive tasks last night…  Re-watching episodes of LOST.  (What were you thinking?)

Before starting that though, we saw that a new episode of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” was in our queue.  Now, it’s is one of those irreverent shows that isn’t afraid to discuss touchy topics.  Some episode titles include: The Gang Exploits a Miracle, Charlie Gets Molested, Charlie Wants An Abortion, and Dee Is Dating a Retarded Person.  Not exactly dinner conversation topics in most households, but in the midst of the “shock”, there was some “awe”some moments of true humanity and hilarity.  (Did you see what I did there?  I kill me!)

Now into its fifth season, the show has added more episodes each year, and the quality of those episodes has waned considerably.  With most of the humor of last night’s show revolving around the destruction of property, poisoning rivals, and public urination, my wife reached her breaking point, saying: “I’m done watching this show, if you want to keep watching it, you can do it without me.”  While I’m not ready to give up on the show completely just yet (e.g. the last season of Scrubs was a renaissance of the brilliance that filled the first four seasons of that show), I think I understand why the show has sunk.

Instead of a creative force in the show that says: “We have something to say, let’s try to say it in our own way”, the situation morphed into: “Holy crap!  We have x number of shows to do this season, we have to say something!”  In a lot of ways, Tuesday Newsday has become like that for me.  To tweak the parental mantra about  mean-spirited talk: If I don’t have anything useful to say, then why am I saying anything at all?

If you will permit me another pop culture reference (we’re up to five right now), it reminds me of the 1994 movie, Airheads.  In the film, because they have taken a radio station hostage, a rock band becomes wildly famous and is even offered a record deal, because of the attention given to them.  The record company executive signs them without even listening to their music.  I don’t remember the exact context, but the lead singer Chazz, (Brendan Fraser) alludes to the record just being filled with the drummer Pip (Adam Sandler) farting on a snare drum.  Pip’s response: “I ain’t farting on no snare drum!” has stuck with me ever since, and pretty much sums up what any worthwhile endeavor can become if the circumstances around it cease to be conducive to it’s creative inception.

Even a beast of a sentence like the last one can sound pedantic if I’m just trying to say something in an interesting way, when I don’t have much to say at all.  (For another example of this, just re-read the previous sentence.  Seriously, who says “pedantic”?)

Just as Jemaine knew when it was business time, seeing that it was Wednesday, so I knew it was time to pontificate about some news item with sunrise each Tuesday.  I had created a machine that demanded me to have something to say, even if the content wasn’t inspired.  Let’s be honest… sometimes I was just farting on a snare drum.

Now, I feel more comfortable writing about things, when I actually have something to say.  There may be the occasional link-jacking where I just want to post something that really needs no commentary or introduction, but I don’t want to write just for the sake of writing.  If you are taking the time to read this, then I want to take the time to write something worth reading.

Interestingly enough, in the episode of LOST that we watched last night, the creator and star of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”, Rob McElhenney, made cameo appearance that my wife did not remember from the first time she watched the show.  ”Hey!  It’s Mac!” she said with a happy smile.  Apparently, the end of her relationship with the show didn’t leave her with hard feelings about everything related to that show.  I’ve gotta say… I love this woman.

There is an entire section of this website dedicated to the implementation of TPI’s program for youth “PX2″.  There is also a subsection for the implementation of this program in sports, featuring an video introduction by Pete Carroll.  Within that, there is a page dedicated to our clients on the football field.  Alabama’s participation in the PX2 program is chronicled there, with some links to outside news and sports agencies regarding our partnership.

Former NFL players Antowaine Richardson and Nesby Glasgow, who are trained as PX2 facilitators, took the players through each of the 12 units during training camp for the last two years.  Tailoring the program for application on the football field, the players identified areas in their own skill sets and roles on the team where their were underperforming to their potential.

One of the first questions asked of PX2 participants is “Who’s in control?”.  Basically, the question is trying to discover whether it is external or internal forces that drive our behaviors.  Truly, it is a mix of both.  But, in order for us to be responsible for our behavior, we have to acknowledge that we are in control of our lives.  If this is true, then as a result, we ourselves are the biggest limiters of our effectiveness and performance.

If at times you feel like a victim, then you may be able to alter this belief with a greater understanding of how much control you really have.  While we can’t control everything that happens to us, we can often control how we respond and react.  By removing the victim-mentality, we can see outside influence in a different light.  Either it is imagined, or we cannot change it.  Either way, our focus should remain on that which we can effect.

Alabama set a goal to win the SEC championship this year.  Why not the BCS national championship?  Maybe because the last three SEC championship winners have gone on to win the BCS national championship.  It’s clear that the next goal is to win the game against Texas in January.  No one for Alabama is hoping for referees, weather, luck, fate, or anything else outside of them to work in their favor.  When it’s time to play, these guys know “Who’s in control.”

Send me an email if you are interesting in hearing Lou Tice and Nick Saban speak in Alabama on January 25.

Roll Tide.

I want to give you the link to his revelatory article, and I will.  But first, you should probably know the end of this tale.  This same sportswriter, Mike Penner, was found dead on Friday.  He was 52.

Although the official cause of death has not been released, most around the L.A. Times have acknowledged it was suicide.  Mike’s transition to Christine was not permanent.  By October 2008, he was again writing for the Times as Mike Penner.  Whether the regression back to male status was temporary or not, we do not know.  What we do know is that his journey was not finished after his essay was published 2 and 1/2 years ago.

Really, as I’m writing this, I keep reflecting on his 2007 essay over and over.  It’s beautiful, laugh out loud funny, poignant, and courageous.  I’ll just include one quote here, a question that transcends gender-confusion and touches many people with a secret:

“How do you go about sharing your most important truth, one you spent a lifetime trying to keep deeply buried, to a world that has grown familiar and comfortable with your façade?”

Although I’m confident that he didn’t coin the phrase, I often let the lyrics Steven Tyler sang in the Aerosmith song “Livin’ On The Edge” go running through my head:

“Life’s a journey, not a destination.”

Like many popular quotes, after they become common, they become trite.  The truth of this statement is hard to for me to ignore.  With so few things in this world that are permanent, it’s frustrating to me how often I feel like I have “arrived” somewhere.  It’s an announcement that “the struggle is over” and falseness has given way to truth. But somehow, the “arrival” is an illusion.  Even Steven Tyler’s personal journey to sobriety is in serious question, after years of staying at the “Hotel de Sober”.

It’s more than tricky to balance the concept of our personal identity with our habitual actions, even something as personal as sexual orientation or gender.  Mike/Christine spent the majority of his life wearing a mask, and when the facade was lifted, the struggle was not over.  Life is struggle, life is movement, life is dynamic.  The most significant events of our lives shape much of how we act, but they do not define who we are.

We are human before we are writers, employees, artists, Christians, Muslims, lovers, warriors, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, men, or women.

Mike Penner had a gift for seeing the human side of his sports assignments. He surely developed this from his own struggle with his identity as a human.  It’s tragic that his struggle is now over, especially for those closest to him. His life and death have reminded me of the correlation between struggle and growth.  I am thankful to him for this.

You can read his “Old Mike, New Christine” article here.  It is my hope that it will be encouraging, and uplifting, and not just a mere cautionary tale of the danger of change.

Mike Penner/Christine Daniels, rest in peace.

On a much more somber note, Jon and Kate plus 8 aired it’s final episode.  Part of me is relieved that some sort of conclusion has been reached in this saga.  There will always be some sort of celebrity status attached to this family, but unless they begin a new show or other endeavor into the entertainment world, the “new” normal that is coming may look more like the “old” normal that the Gosselins enjoyed before the show.

The biggest difference that I noticed in this episode was the behavior and attitudes of the older twin girls, Maddie and Kara.  The show starts with a daddy day.  The kids are all together with Jon, at the house, and they decide to put together a lemonade stand to raise money for the local fire department.  Tensions between the girls are high, which happens with siblings a lot in normal situations where tools (markers in this case) need to be shared.

In a moment of frustration, Maddie says “I like stuff we do with Mommy.”  Of course this doesn’t sit well with Jon, and he immediately banishes her from the project, with a pledge to throw her poster in the trash after she asks him not to finish it for her.  Just for good measure, Jon halts Kara’s progress on her poster and sends her inside as well.  The girls are left in tears, while Jon is able to bask in the glory of not being the easy-going, push-over dad of the past umpteen similar incidents with his children.  It seems that he is trying to “be” Kate in the increasingly frequent situations where she is not present.  Sadly, the girls are at school for the mommy day outing in the second half of the episode and are not seen or heard from again.

Its the moment that every divorced parent fears and tries to be prepared for: when the kids start playing the parents against each other, realizing that they are no longer on the same team.  Kate later laments her situation as a single parent by stating that Jon is no longer her teammate.  Its was a tough scene to watch, and even tougher to have as the last taste in my mouth of Maddie and Kara.  I’m hopeful that things have progressed with their relationships together, but there is no longer the promise of a future episode to experience this progression as a viewer.

Unlike with LOST (I hope), the ending of Jon and Kate Plus 8 does not tie up all of the loose ends.  Most likely, this is still very much the beginning of their journey as a family, albeit a fractured one.  Jon’s admission of fault for most of the downfall of his marriage is refreshing, but probably stings of “too little, too late”.  Kate seemed disappointingly focused on how depressing losing the show was for the kids, and much less on how their relationship with their father has changed.  Maybe this is too negative of a way to look at it all.  With plenty of knots to untie, there will be plenty of growth to be had for both of these parents.  I’m probably just jealous that I can no longer experience some of this growth vicariously.

I can’t say I know what it is like to be the parent of multiples.  I met with a new friend this week who has four 2-year-old children.  He shared with me the negative looks and disparaging remarks that his family has received since the Jon and Kate backlash began earlier this past summer.  I had a separate conversation today with a different friend about a view his counselor shared with him about the “selfishness” of having children.  The counselor is not a parent himself.  Both of these friends shared the same sentiment:

“You just don’t know until you’ve walked in my shoes.”

It’s probably the drum that I will bang over and over again as I hear criticism and judgement with little compassion or understanding offered.  Discipline, punishment, castigation, judgement, and the like are only useful as tools on a path of change, growth, and redemption.  Jon and Kate have received a lot of it over the past year.  Will it help to propel them to such change, growth, and redemption?  Listening to Jon’s final session on the couch…. maybe so.

A fact that did not get as much attention as his religious affiliation, but may be equally connected to his behavior, is Hasan’s role as a psychiatrist for soldiers returning from tours in the Middle East.  If you believe that we move toward, and become like, that which we think about, then his violent behavior may be slightly more understandable.  Hour after hour, day after day, of hearing and processing accounts of death and carnage in a messy war would take a toll on even the healthiest of doctors.  But the attack earlier this month may have been the price for this exposure to vicarious violence for this psychiatrist.

Most psychiatrists will help patients to filter through their thoughts and behaviors, classifying some as normal and healthy, and other as disruptive or negative.  For soldiers preparing to return to civilian life, the rules of war that have become second nature to many of them, are not the same rules of life in America, and the psychiatrist helps the soldier to come to terms with that.  The psychiatrist helps the patient to build new thoughts and plans for action in a future of non-violence and a stable civil and judicial structure.  For Hasan, this breakdown of normal thoughts and actions for the future of a civilian must have been truly dissonant in his mind, knowing that his future was likely to include the violence of these soldiers’ pasts.

Even though he was born in Virginia, there have been reports that Hasan felt more of a connection to his Middle Eastern heritage than the Red, White, and Blue of his true homeland.  Perhaps in his personal thoughts of the war battles, he put himself in the shoes of the local Iraqi or Afghan fighters.  The best memory training techniques and methods for developing your subconscious hard drive include visualizing yourself doing something in first person perspective.  If Hasan’s thoughts drifted from: “How terrible it must be to kill someone!” to “How terrible it must be to be attacked on your own soil?” perhaps he did imagine himself as a local fighter of the Americans from the homeland.

Of course, the connection to his religion is still key, as many people see themselves as a Christian, Muslim, Jew, etc. first, and an American, Iraqi, Afghan, etc. second.  With the declaration of jihad from many terrorist groups, a holy war would trump any connection to his profession, his country of birth, and even his connection with mankind, as God’s will is supreme.  Devotion to Islam coupled with regular exposure to the love and charity of fellow Muslims and those outside of the faith should not result in violence.  But any religious beliefs that are combined with images of repression, invasion, or a divine mandate for murder often times will.

Perhaps the saying “Violence begets more violence.” is proven true once again.  Even if the original violence is just in one’s mind.

The incident itself may be newsworthy due to the unprecedented number of casualties, but two big wrinkles have given this story pretty long legs to run on.  As the story continues to unfold, we now know a few details from the assailant.  First, he was a licensed Army psychiatrist, someone professionally trained to help soldiers readjust to life after a tour in Afghanistan or Iraq.  Second, according to eyewitness accounts, he shouted “Allahu akbar” just before opening fire.  As you may know, this is an Aramaic phrase loosely translated as “God is great”.  It’s become a calling card of sorts for Muslim terrorists who believe they are acting on God’s behalf.  Let’s start with the latter.

Every major American Islamic organization publicly condemned the attack as immoral and anti-Islam.  A few angry members of the community in Ft. Hood took it upon themselves to call in death threats to area mosques, as if that would change the past or help the future in some way.  I agree with the sentiment of Arsalan Iftikhar, who wrote a fine editorial on the double standard of Muslim ties to terrorism and hate crimes compared to those who commit similar acts from a Christian upbringing.

Is religion the cause of this act?  It’s a fair question to ask, and it seems to come up every time there is a notable incident of murder in the name of God, be it Allah or Elohim.  But with the histories of nearly all major religious traditions involving some sort of divinely sanctioned homicide, should we be surprised when modern day believers act in such a way?  If it was ok to commit genocide on the Philistines, the Nephites, the infidels, or some other group in the past, because of the greater good that God had planned, is it so difficult to comprehend the state of mind of today’s “holy warrior”?

One of my favorite quotes from Lou Tice, Chairman of The Pacific Institute, is:

We act not according to the truth, but the truth as we believe it to be.

If someone believes that God is speaking to them, and that God has a plan much larger than current circumstances, then ANY moral beliefs can be compromised to achieve obedience to that plan, including the value of human life.  Our internal beliefs about something’s legitimacy have much more to do with our corresponding actions than any sort of external “proof”.  Unfortunately for those closest to the Ft. Hood community, Major Hasan believed that he was doing God’s will at the time of his attack, despite “proof” of the evils of murder that many in society simply take for common sense.

This is a pretty volatile topic, so let’s see if anyone is interested in discussing it further, here.  Just leave a comment and let’s talk about it!

Easy tiger...

How you feel about Jon Gosselin is probably going to depend a lot on what you have personally experienced in your own life, or how you value stories of failure and redemption.  If you’ve led a morally upright life, and you tend to only value failure if it is soon followed by redemption, you may have little to no sympathy for Jon Gosselin and his bachelor-esque behaviors (while married) over the past several months.

This is especially difficult to swallow for those who revered him as a type of “super-dad” and loving husband who would sacrifice anything for his family.  Even if a divorce is a dance for two, he seems to have loaded up the jukebox with many more songs than Kate.  Their legal proceeding are becoming increasingly volatile and their relationship is strained to a microscopic level.  I’m sure that many may have the desire to remind Jon that he made this bed, and now it is time to sleep in it.

From doting father and submissive husband to jet-setting playboy with a cell phone filled with booty calls, Jon has shown clearly that he has a wild side.  But is that all that it is?  Is it just one side of his personality?  With his behavior over the last year seeming so different than what was known about him up until that time, the question on many people’s minds is:  ”Will the real Jon Gosselin please stand up?”

Lisa Respers France from CNN wrote a fantastic piece about Jon’s recent conversations and counseling with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who apparently is something of a celebrity spiritual advisor.  In the article, besides dispelling rumors that he was to be starting a new reality series with “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, Jon had some frank comments about his behavoir:

I am well aware that my behavior over the past few months has not always reflected my personal and religious values. I further accept that I have allowed myself to become somewhat severed from my own moral anchor and be carried away by the challenges of fame.

and:

It is my sincere desire to use the fame I have so unexpectedly acquired to highlight mature, responsible behavior as well as the joys of fatherhood and family.

and probably the most honest of them all:

I ask the public to please understand the challenges I face in living under constant public scrutiny, even as I am aware that I have at times courted that scrutiny.

Ok, so a level-headed Jon is issuing a mea culpa, with a promise to change the future in a positive way.  But does anyone care?  Over 60% of that CNN article’s readers polled believe that Kate should NOT forgive Jon.  There is a real belief in the minds of many people that some sort of penance must be undertaken before forgiveness should be entertained.  Perhaps those people are right.

But there are many that believe that blanket forgiveness is often undeserved, and punishment (or justice) is the best way to return to a balanced way of life.  In my own story, many people advised Kim to “make him (me) pay” and “make him (me) work for your (her) love” during the beginning of our time of healing.  Our healing blossomed into a reconciliation, but that is not and should not be the only expected result of healing.  Peace is paramount.

Jon at a more innocent time

Past behaviors, both negative and positive, must be synthesized to arrive a current state of someone’s character appraisal.  Jon is neither a knight in shining armor nor a wild, partying, lust-monster.  At least, not fully.  They are two sides of his personality, and it’s likely not a 50/split.  We all act differently in different stages of our lives, and sometimes the pendulum swings wildly.

Human nature is not just about who we wish to be, it’s about who we are, which is evidenced by what we do.

The biblical story of the prodigal son has be retold in many different forms over the centuries.  I even participated in a reimagining of the story with cues taken from The Princess Bride while I was in college.  In my opinion, it’s a story that highlights three parts of human nature:

1. Personally testing the rules put in place by others for one’s own good, only to find out through much pain that they are true.  (The prodigal son)
2. Having love override all negative behaviors to bring about a restoration of peace, despite a lack of justice.  (The father)
3. Being frustrated and angry over a lack of justice and wanting a situation of “fairness” to exist.  (The brother)

I’ve felt all of these feelings at different times in my life.  Is the Gosselin saga an appropriate narrative to apply the principles of this parable?

I got on the Garth Brooks bandwagon late, after Chris Gaines and even after his retirement from touring.  Never one for country music, I had assumed that I would need a ten gallon hat or a ten pound belt-buckle in order to experience some toe-tapping, knee-slapping, or even heart-melting at the sound of his voice.  He finally got me good with the closing track of the Dennis Quaid/Jim Caviezel father/son movie Frequency in 2000.  I remember the sitting in the theater by myself, after all my friends had left, just profoundly moved by the words and music that I was listening to.  Here is video on Youtube that someone put together with the song and some pictures of inspiration:

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s not that I wasn’t aware of Garth’s popularity.  Kim had always made it very clear to me that he was a superstar, and not just in the world of country music.  In fact, he has sold more records than any other solo-artist in history.  That’s no small feat for a singer who’s genre is often included in statements like “I like all kinds of music, except for ________.”

Las Vegas is not exactly a hotbed for country music.  How many young banjo pickers head to Sin City for a shot to play for the throngs of country music fans there?  To get signed to play in Vegas for five years, you must transcend the genre.  Garth Brooks seems to do just that.

So, what does he have that makes him so relatable, connectable, personable, and charming?  Maybe if we knew his secret, he would cease to be what he has come to be for so many people: a real icon.

Real is the best word that I can think of to describe this guy.  He’s been married, had three kids, divorced, remarried, and still lives on a ranch in Oklahoma, instead of a penthouse in New York.  It could be due to the fact that he reached the pinnacle of music greatness, but he’s much more concerned about being a good father than being the king of country music (or anything else for that matter).  But even through his rise to fame, he’s still come across as real.  He’s made plenty of mistakes, and he’s owned up to nearly all of them.

In fact, his Chris Gaines alter-ego failed to launch precisely because it did not seem real enough.  Sure, the pseudo-goth look and the VH1 Behind the Music episode all seemed plausible for a normal star, but just not Garth.  Garth Brooks doesn’t pretend.  At least, that’s what his fans all believe.  For a guy who can sell out five concerts at the Staples Center in L.A. in less than an hour, it was largely considered a failure.  Being released ten years ago, which was ten years after his debut album in 1989, I wonder how the The Life Of Chris Gaines album has aged over this past decade.

With all of that said, it really seems that Garth Brooks has a hold on some sort of thread that connects him to humanity more than someone like Kanye West, at least at this point in Kanye’s career.  It has to be more than his “Aw shucks” humility, although that seems to be part of it.  Perhaps he just knows that he really isn’t substantively different than anyone else in this world.  Just luckier, maybe.  For a guy who can basically print money for charities, by performing a concert or five, that’s a great thing for all of us.

It remains to be seen if Garth can reignite the media fire that he has been standing outside of for so long (sorry, I couldn’t resist), but I’m ready to be on board this time.

Not all of the opposing opinions have been shared in a spirit of courtesy or love.  There have been more that couple blowhardy comments that do more to rouse the anger of those who disagree than to communicate some sore of salient argument.  In light of the fact that this is a prize to reward efforts towards peace, it is disappointing, to say the least.

The idea of world peace has been a frequent topic of conversation and contemplation in my life, as of late.  Emailing back and forth with a close friend, I was disappointed to learn that he believes world peace is not possible.  My view on this topic has been shaped recently by a documentary by Jeremy Gilley called “The Day After Peace”.  It juxtaposes the beliefs of those who believe in the possibility of world peace, and those who consider themselves “realists”.  You can view the short trailer for the film below.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I was referred to the video by a colleague from The Pacific Institute, where I am a consultant and facilitator.  You may want to add “Pollyanna” to that job description as well, as there are many people who agree with my friend about the inanity of believing in world peace.  Well, maybe that it too harsh of a way to put it, but there aren’t a lot of occasions where it is befitting to play the fool, as may be the case here.  If working towards world peace is one of them, then this sometime is my time.

Whether President Obama deserved the award or not may be irrelevant.  Peace will never be achieved while people are bullied or coerced into a certain belief or pattern of behavior.  Individual decisions to be agents of peace (six billion of them) will do immeasurably more than a prize given to our celebrity president (no intention of disrespect).

Maybe it’s best to ask the question, “Would you rather believe in world peace, and have your life embody that belief, or be someone who is realistic?”