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Samir Selmanovic – The Muslim Atheist Jewish Christian

A couple of months ago, I stumbled across a video about an author named Samir Selmanovic on Zach Lind’s website.  If you don’t want to make the jump, you can just watch the video here:

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The video was exactly the breath of fresh air that my religion-weary lungs needed to take in.  I started a quest to learn more about this man, this book, and this new perspective on my faith that might rescue it from the toilet bowl it has been sitting in for the past several years.

I became a fan of his book on Facebook, ordered his book from Amazon, and basically fell in love with his spirit and perspective on the most important things in life.  Samir is a sage.  I highly recommend his book to people that ponder the mysteries of life, God, and one’s relationship to the “other”.

To give you a unique look at Samir, check out this video that his daughters made to encourage people to NOT purchase this book:

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I don’t want to discuss too much of the book without you.  I want you to read it and talk about it with me and others on this website.

If you’re still not sure what this book is about, and you aren’t much for watching videos, check out this interview of Samir by Robin Russell.  Here is my favorite quote from Samir from that interview:

We are going through a period where what it means to be religious is changing. Religion has to adjust to an interdependent world. In the past, the strong city was a city with big walls. But today, the strong city is the city that has more bridges and airports and links. Links make you strong, and links are also boundaries, so we can have our identity. If our roots go deeper, we can afford to take off some walls.

So, if you can’t find the book locally, just buy it here.  If you want to talk more about this book through this website, let me know in the comments.  If we have enough people involved, Samir may be willing to participate in a group Skype chat with us.  Sounds pretty great to me!

Cheers and Namaste!

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Tuesday Newsday – Tale of a Transexual Sportswriter

pennerOn April 26, 2007, the Los Angeles Times printed a story about one man’s transition from male to female, and the road that led him to that decision.  The twist, in this story, was that the essay was written by one of their own (a sportswriter).  It was news that shocked many, but gave courage to countless more.  With the talent of his writing still very much in tact, even as much of his world was crumbling around him, Mike Penner “came out” to his co-workers, peripheral friends, and his reading audience with a promise:  To return to them as someone new, Christine Daniels.

I want to give you the link to his revelatory article, and I will.  But first, you should probably know the end of this tale.  This same sportswriter, Mike Penner, was found dead on Friday.  He was 52.

Although the official cause of death has not been released, most around the L.A. Times have acknowledged it was suicide.  Mike’s transition to Christine was not permanent.  By October 2008, he was again writing for the Times as Mike Penner.  Whether the regression back to male status was temporary or not, we do not know.  What we do know is that his journey was not finished after his essay was published 2 and 1/2 years ago.

christine_daniels

Really, as I’m writing this, I keep reflecting on his 2007 essay over and over.  It’s beautiful, laugh out loud funny, poignant, and courageous.  I’ll just include one quote here, a question that transcends gender-confusion and touches many people with a secret:

“How do you go about sharing your most important truth, one you spent a lifetime trying to keep deeply buried, to a world that has grown familiar and comfortable with your façade?”

Although I’m confident that he didn’t coin the phrase, I often let the lyrics Steven Tyler sang in the Aerosmith song “Livin’ On The Edge” go running through my head:

“Life’s a journey, not a destination.”

Like many popular quotes, after they become common, they become trite.  The truth of this statement is hard to for me to ignore.  With so few things in this world that are permanent, it’s frustrating to me how often I feel like I have “arrived” somewhere.  It’s an announcement that “the struggle is over” and falseness has given way to truth. But somehow, the “arrival” is an illusion.  Even Steven Tyler’s personal journey to sobriety is in serious question, after years of staying at the “Hotel de Sober”.

It’s more than tricky to balance the concept of our personal identity with our habitual actions, even something as personal as sexual orientation or gender.  Mike/Christine spent the majority of his life wearing a mask, and when the facade was lifted, the struggle was not over.  Life is struggle, life is movement, life is dynamic.  The most significant events of our lives shape much of how we act, but they do not define who we are.

We are human before we are writers, employees, artists, Christians, Muslims, lovers, warriors, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, men, or women.

Mike Penner had a gift for seeing the human side of his sports assignments. He surely developed this from his own struggle with his identity as a human.  It’s tragic that his struggle is now over, especially for those closest to him. His life and death have reminded me of the correlation between struggle and growth.  I am thankful to him for this.

You can read his “Old Mike, New Christine” article here.  It is my hope that it will be encouraging, and uplifting, and not just a mere cautionary tale of the danger of change.

Mike Penner/Christine Daniels, rest in peace.

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Bill Simmons plugs his book

Published on November 02, 2009 by Zac in Writers

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Bill Simmons plugs his book

I’ve written before about how I admire the written stylings of Bill Simmons and Malcom Gladwell.  In that post, I wondered what the difference was between a good writer and a good speaker.

Last week, I put up a video of Malcolm Gladwell speaking at TED.  Much like his books portray him, he is articulate, funny and engaging.  He can make something as silly as spaghetti sauce, riveting.

Currently, Bill Simmons is touring the country in promotion of his new book “The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy“.  I stumbled across a interview he was doing for ESPN about the book.  Check it out:

Something with it just didn’t seem to work.  I know that the first time I heard his voice, I was stunned by how dissimilar it was to the voice I has assigned him in my head while reading his articles.  I won’t criticize him here, because he is still a superb writer and I appreciate the thought process he goes through when creating his work.  Let’s just say that he helps to prove the idea that good writers are not necessarily good speakers.  It’s interesting food for thought if you are trying to become one, or both.

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Malcolm Gladwell’s TED talk

Published on October 30, 2009 by Zac in Culture, Writers

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Malcolm Gladwell’s TED talk

Malcolm Gladwell is my favorite writer and one of the brightest thinkers I have come across.  He was invited to give a talk at TED.com, which is a website sprung from an organization dedicated to discussing “ideas worth spreading” in the fields of Technology, Entertainment, and Design (TED).  The video below is from his talk in February 2004 and is about 17 minutes long.

Gladwell illustrates the lessons from his story about Howard Moskowitz pretty darn well, so I won’t add much.

I too often find myself obsessed with universals and trying to discover the rules that govern the way that all of us behave.  The idea of variability and diversity is very intriguing.  In truth, there may only be a handful of universals amidst a sea of beautiful diversity and variables.  It seems to me that a large proportion of our conflicts and wars are due to leaders mistaking a variable truth for one that is universal, and then attempting to impose it on the masses.

Even attempting to give something as universal as “freedom” to another culture can fail based on the variable understandings and perspectives on freedom.

The older I get, the less “black and white” the world gets.  While I always knew that “There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s”, I didn’t extrapolate that principle to many other areas of my life.  There always seemed to be a right way to do this, and a wrong way to do that.  The more I understand about my own perception, the less faith I have in my ability to discern things that are ALWAYS right or ALWAYS wrong.

Since taste seems to be obviously chock full of variability, where does that principle end?  What is universal?

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It was our sophomore year in college and my ex-girlfriend had just started dating my best friend, Jason.  Jessica and I broke up shortly after I traveled over four hours to watch her graduate high school.  She had planned to attend KCU before we started dating, but the added pressure of going to school with me the next year was too much.  She needed “wide open spaces” and room to make “big mistakes.”

If you know why this picture is here... you get 5 cool points.

If you know why this picture is here... you get 5 cool points.

I found out that Jason was dating her when he kissed her in front of me for the first time.  At that moment I had to choose which person I cared about more.  I chose Jason and we’ve continued to be friends ever since.  The only reason I even mention Jessica is because she was not only a witness to both of the games in which I made the winning goals, but she may have been the reason I made the winning goals.

Intramural Football

No one on our team had ever played football in high school or college, but we did play our share of 2-hand touch in the grass outside of Water’s Hall.  I could throw the ball, but was never really picked to be quarterback.  I would mostly play the linebacker, wide-receiver, and safety positions – guaranteeing that I would be worn out by the end of the game.  It was usually Jason’s idea to play and it was his idea to join the intramural league.

Our team consisted of mostly the same guys who played 2-hand touch and (besides the guitar player) consisted entirely of our band, “Shog”.  Our season did not start out well and we continued to post losses.  By the end of the season we had yet to win a game.  The last game was against an upperclassman team, which also had members from one the other band on campus, “Crummies Church”.  It was literally a battle of the bands.

The game started off as other games had, but this time something was different.  We were putting points on the board and we were staying in the game.  Something else was different too.  Jessica had come to watch us that day.  As the end of the game approached, we were down, but not out. Whoever made the next touchdown would win the game.  I had never played quarterback, but at this moment, the ball was handed to me and the rest of our team ran to the end on the field. I through a Hail Mary pass above the heads of the opposing team.  Heath jumped to catch the ball – and he came down with it in the end zone. We had won the game!

Intramural Floor Hockey

Later on that year, the same team decided to play intramural floor hockey.  We thought we would have some advantages as we had been playing street hockey in rollerblades behind Ralph’s Supermarket all year.  We would lay shopping carts down as a hockey nets.

When the games began, the story that unfolded was somewhat different than what we imagined.  Because floor hockey is more like basketball than street hockey, requiring more running than skating, the basketball players who decided to join dominated the league. At least, they did until that fateful night when Jessica decided to watch our game.

Again, the game was back and forth, but then I felt it, that feeling.  It was the same feeling I had on the football feeling, the feeling when you know something is going to happen – and then it does.  I was at half-court and there were three guys between me and the net, but I cocked back and swung.  The ball went straight through all three guys, past the goalie, and into the net, winning the game.

The Muse

Jason and Jessica broke up shortly after field hockey season and all five members of Shog left KCU at the end of that year.  Jessica graduated from KCU and is now married.  Jason and I are as well, although not to each other.

The first movie we see together with another person in a new relationship tends to stick with us in our memory.  Jessica and I went to see the movie “She’s All That”.  Jason and Jessica went to see “The Muse”.

***Erich Stauffer is an Indianapolis web designer for Telablue Inc., an Indianapolis web design firm and promotion company serving the needs of individuals and businesses throughout the midwest.  He co-writes a blog with me at www.managingactions.comand writes on his own blog at www.erichstauffer.com.
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Where do our desires come from?

Published on August 09, 2009 by Zac in Uncategorized, Writers

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I just finished reading “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley.  I was turned on to Huxley by my good friend Lenny, but for one of his other books.  ”Brave New World” is considered a classic by many, and is generally regarded as the author’s finest work.  I have to say, the book didn’t turn me on like I had hoped it would in a literary sense.  There wasn’t a growing hunger for me to devour more and more of the book as I finished each page.  It was more of a commitment that I had made to complete the book than a natural lure to continue.  I’m glad that I did though.  It wasn’t until I had finished the book and took a step back that I began to appreciate it on an entirely different level.

In an attempt to comment on this book, but not spoil things and discourage another from reading, I will attempt to straddle the line and be more or less vague about the details.  In essence, this book is about what happens to a society that gives everyone what they want.  Wars are abolished.  Crimes and murders are more scarce than scruples at a Bluth family picnic.  The society is, in many ways, perfect.  The end is finally achieved from so many of the efforts of civilization over history.

The main tool for the success in this system everyone receiving their desires (which seems so incredibly distasteful to those who choose to “die to self”)?  Pre-natal and early childhood conditioning.  One’s desires are changed so that society can meet everyone’s desires.  Humans are created in such a way that no one has a relationship with the original owner of the sperm and egg responsible for one’s genesis.  In fact, the concept of a mother and father is a type of vulgarity.

Breaking this bond is paramount in the system of human reproduction in “Brave New World”.  Babies are hatched in a lab, and not born of a woman.  Familial connections are wiped out.  This greases the rails for a series of chemical and behavioral modifications, that effectively change the response habits of each person.  In a very real way, what is desirable to someone is the choice of the leaders of society.  If they do not want someone to like puppies, they will bombard a young child with electric shocks, deafening alarms, and painful strobe lights, while in the presence of a puppy, until any desires associated with a puppy are destroyed.  Natural urges and desires are placated by a psychotropic drug called soma.  (Interestingly, a muscle relaxant drug called Carisoprodol is sold under the name “Soma” in the USA, even today.)  Soma makes everything uncomfortable, just go away.  Essentially, the world is full of drug addicts who vacillate between acquiescence and oblivion.

As I grew up, I was constantly chided for misbehavior and rewarded for compliance.  I do the same today with my children.  It’s a basic pattern of parental behavior.  I know that it is different for some of us, but for me, the desire to please others was extreme with me, and still is.  I felt validated when I was loved and praised, and disablingly low when I was ignored or banished.  It’s not that I didn’t rebel against certain people, but my overriding desire in most situations was to please others and gain or keep their acceptance.  In later years, this turned into a desire to be accepted because I wanted to be a good example of a Christian to those around me.  In high school, I wanted to please people so that I could be popular and accepted by the “cool” kids.

After that, I can’t really say why I wanted to please so many people.  I just… did.  Even today, if there is a room of people, I want everyone to like me.  Everyone.  This is my desire, and I can’t really say why.  I believe that it is at least partly a result of the conditioning that I began with myself at a young age and grooved into a deep gorge over the years.

Is it my fault?  Probably.  Is it my responsibility to deal with any consequences of this behavior?  Of course.  Was I born with this desire?  Is it natural?  That’s where my answers get fuzzier and fuzzier as I examine my own life and the behaviors of those around me.  It’s the nature vs. nurture debate.

The son of an alcoholic who finds his first taste of beer much smoother and more pleasant than his friends.  The woman whose dad never hugged her who now enjoys having men explore her body.  Any number of situations can be shown to relate either back to childhood or earlier. But, which is it?  In a lot of cases, our desires are not matters of choice, but of situations that are clearly out of our hands.  And if you believe in God (which I do), does responsibility for our desires have any dividing line?  If it is human nature, who’s fault is that?

Am I innocent to purchase an iPhone made in China if I am ignorant that life was lost during its production as the result of an effort to keep trade secrets safe?  Does my knowledge of any product’s origin make me complicit in any moral or ethical failings that occur on the journey to my consumption of the product?  If so, do I blame society for influencing my desires for these products?  Do I blame my nature for having the desires?  Or do I hold the blame to myself and just wish for the blissful ignorance of childhood?

I’m 29 years old, and I hold no answers.  I may never.  Is it wrong of me to be skeptical of those who do claim to know?  Are you?

Incidentally, it looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is going to be starring in a movie adaption of this book.  Hmmmm….
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Halcombs’ Adoption Video

Published on July 19, 2009 by Zac in Writers

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A friend of mine from college and his wife are looking to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  They plan on documenting the process through video and posting in on their website.  I have posted the first video below.  His website is michaelhalcomb.blogspot.com/.  I hope you will get involved if you are interested and able to.

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By some strange circumstance (do those still exist?), I was able to listen to two popular authors this week, at two different locations, at the same church.  The church is Central Christian Church of the East Valley, and it meets in two separate locations, with my home being right in the middle of them.  Now, both of these authors have been recommended to me recently.  Young, for The Shack, and Eldredge, for Desire.  I was encouraged by both of them, but for different reasons.  Let me try to explain.

William P. Young

William P. Young

William P. Young goes by “Paul”.  He looks like a “Bill” to me.  He came in and sat down next to the pastor, Jeremy Jernigan, in a comfy padded chair, up on stage.  Jeremy asked him a basic question about his childhood, and Paul was off for 20 minutes.  He spoke of his childhood in New Guinea, where he was the child of missionaries, and the only “white” person that the tribe had ever accepted into their culture.  They were canabalistic and highly sexual.  He was sexually abused by men and women in the tribe from his earliest memories at 4 years old.  This became normal for him, but he still knew that something felt “wrong” about it.  His relationship with his parents was not healthy, but he was a successful teen and young adult, graduating summa cum laude at his college and beginning a job in a church.  He married at 38 in a whirlwind of a brief courtship…. 11 days.  He and his wife have six kids.

About 15 years ago, the most significant moment of his life occurred.  His wife called him from his office and said:  “I know”.  He had been having an affair with her best friend for three months, and he knew that he either had to go meet his wife and confront the situation, or end his life right there and not deal with it.  He chose to talk to her, and for 11 years, they battled.  Kim, his wife, loved him and hated him at the same time.  He shared his childhood abuse stories with her.  He shared his struggle with perfectionism with her.  He shared everything with her.  She was devastated, but still invested in him, so she stayed.  I don’t remember what happened after the 11 years, but he would consider his relationship with his wife as “healthy” now.

I was moved to tears by his story, as were many people in the crowd.  Among the lines of his talk that were most vivid to me, was this:  “Is there anything that God does that is not motivated by love?”  Being located at a church, you might have guessed that there would be some mention of God in this talk.  But, most of what Paul spoke of was regarding God’s love, and how religion tends to corrupt that.  In his book, God meets his protagonist three times, each in a different form.  God is portrayed as a large, black woman, an Asian woman, and a Jewish carpenter.  Its seems that his point was that viewing God as some sort of father or grandfather figure is devastating to many people, due to the relationships they have with their fathers or grandfathers.

When Paul was through, he received a standing ovation.  He then did something that I was not expecting, and won’t soon forget.  He turned around and began clapping in the same direction that the audience was facing.  It was as if he was applauding an unseen God that was behind where he was sitting.  He then gracefully walked off the stage.  No waving, no blowing kisses.  It was cool.  The book has ruffled a lot of feathers in the church community.  It is now officially on my list of books to read.

John Eldredge

John Eldredge

John Eldridge spoke at the Mesa campus on Wednesday.  He had no introduction.  He just began speaking into the “Garth Brooks” microphone attached to his cheek.  If you haven’t read any of his books, John is considered THE author for Christan men, as a subculture.  He encourages men to be brave and warrior like, an tonight’s talk would be no different.  He has divided the male life into 6 stages.  The boy, the cowboy, the warrior, the lover, the king, and finally… the sage.  He said that this is the intent of God in every man’s life.  Knowing what stage you are at, or what stage you should be at, according to Eldridge, will help you to find peace and purpose in this life.

There are some things about Eldrige’s philosophy that I appreciate.  It is true that the majority of men in churches are encouraged to be meek and mild, and the idea of a warrior God seems to fit in well much of historical literature.  Talking about men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who seem to be stuck in a state of arrested development especially rung true for me.  He spoke at length on the role of fathers and grandfathers in the development as a man.  Much like Young, Eldredge did not have a healthy relationship with his father after a certain point.  He pointed the audience towards God as a father, so that a man can grow and mature with the best possible role model.  Now, how he can be sure he knows what God’s characteristics are, I don’t know.  Most of his beliefs were formed from the bible, so maybe that is my answer.

Now, I was especially privileged to experience both of these speakers with my own father.  Ten years ago, I got an email from my college roommate’s mother that my father had a heart attack and that my mother would try to call me as soon as possible.  The email was 10 hours old when I received it and I still had received no call from my mother.  The walk back to my dorm room was the longest of my life.  I was sure that my father was dead.  It took me several tries just to dial the touch tone phone, because my hands were shaking so bad.  When I spoke to my mother, she explained that things had been very hectic, but that my dad was ok and recovering well in the hospital.

Ever since that day, I’ve taken time with my dad as more of a gift than ever before.  He is a great father and he has inspired me to be a great father for my own children.  I don’t have the horrible stories of abuse or abandonment that the authors did.  That’s what I am happy with as I sit here with my dad in the other room, even now.  I have a GREAT dad.  I don’t need a crummy dad to rebel from and say “I will never grow up to be like him”.  I just have my dad that I can continue to learn from and grow from in a positive way.

Thanks dad!

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My two favorite writers happen to be friends.  They became friends after learning that they were both enamored with each other’s writing skills.  I am trying to carve out my own writing style, and I look to them to model parts of my writing after.  I was thrilled to see that they decided to share a back and forth email exchange on ESPN.com this week.  You can read part one of the three part series here.

Malcolm Gladwell

Malcolm Gladwell

They talk about sports of course, but its how they talk that intrigues me so much.  They illustrate their points so vividly.  They can pull sports and pop culture references up and use them to defend or counter some argument or principle that is being discussed.  I understand that they see life principles at work in all the various aspects of life that they observe, but I’m so impressed by how they put it down in written word.

Bill Simmons

Bill Simmons

With the technology online growing ever more sophisticated and helpful, Simmons has transitioned some of his writing into audio podcasts.  In fact, the email exchange was originally suggested to be a phone conversation that would be converted into a podcast.  Gladwell thought that it would be more fun to write their thoughts down, rather than discuss them together aloud.  This gives them even more to discuss, as he chides Simmons on responding to his emails so quickly, while Gladwell himself takes several hours to give his written responses.

This has me thinking (which is a good thing).  What is the difference between being a good writer and being a good speaker?  Both are the results of thoughts in our brains.  Some speakers write their speeches down, then memorize them or come close to memorizing them, and soar.  Other people flounder when speaking this way and it is obvious that their oration was written.  Sometimes with writing, I can create something great after tweaking it several times, tinkering with all of the possible ways to communicate something, and finally settling on the best way that I can write it.  Other times, I can just sit down and the words seem to just flow from my hands, in the exact right order that I would have put them in, would I have tweaked them.

I’m still trying to figure all of this out, because communication is paramount in relationships.  Our intentions are not always discerned by the people we have relationships with.  What we mean is not often what is heard.  I’m a lot less arrogant when I consider that what I say is not what was understood by my listener.  Therefore a reaction to something I said is often times just a misunderstanding.  That tends to make two way communication more rich than one way communication.

And I’m sitting here writing a one way communication to you.  Oh well.  It’s all a journey.  I love it.

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I often wonder what like would be like if some of the big decisions I made in life were made differently.  Would I have married my wife? Gone to the same college? Bought that vehicle or that house? The more I think about it the more I realize that these huge decisions were not made at the moment they happened, but were the result of a series of events set off by the smallest of circumstances.

You may have heard the proverb about the butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world causing dramatic weather in another part.  This is called the butterfly effect or the chaos theory (depending on which movie you are watching).  Taking that idea down to the micro level, we can use one butterfly wing flap in my life which changed the course of history for myself and all those around me.

I was in 6th grade and I was new.  My parents had just moved us from the suburbs of Indianapolis to the country just outside of Franklin.  I didn’t know anybody, but there was a girl that I liked.  Her name was Chrissy.  She rode my bus and everyone at school knew I liked her.  That’s why one day in social studies, a guy named Matt told me about his church.  He said I might like it because Chrissy went there.

Of course I wanted to go and I just might be able to convince my parents to take me.  We hadn’t found a new church yet and so my parents were willing to try it out.  That Sunday my whole family went to Fair Haven Christian Church not knowing it was so that I could spend more time with Chrissy.  They loved it.  I hated it.  We went to that church for the next eight years.

I eventually came around to loving the people at Fair Haven. I loved it so much I invited Jason to join.  Jason and I were on the swim team together.  He swam butterfly and I swam the breast stroke.  Jason plugged into the church fast and became quick friends with my other friends, Derek and Ben.  We did everything together, including going to Summer in the Son (SITS) at Kentucky Christian University (KCU).

It was at SITS that Jason, Derek, and I decided to go to KCU for college and it was at SITS that Jason and Krista, one of the other members of our youth group, started dating.  Within two years, Jason and Krista were married. Jason and Derek had transferred to Ball State and I went to Milligan College with Ben from Fair Haven.  When Derek lost his roommate to Krista, I left Milligan for Ball State in Muncie.  It was there that both Derek and I met our wives.

So how did I decide what school to go to or who to marry? By the time I got to that point, the tipping point, it was already decided.  The butterfly, Matt, had flapped his wings back in 1992 and because of that three families, nine children, and four friend’s lives were changed forever.  If you have any inclination that your life has no effect on other people, consider this.  Matt never talked to me again nor did he ever attend Fair Haven while I was there.  You have no idea what effect your words and your actions can have on another persons life so make sure you use your tongue wisely.  Choose your words wisely for they hold the power of life and death.

***Erich Stauffer is an Indianapolis web designer  for Telablue, Inc., an Indianapolis web design  firm and promotion company serving the needs of individuals and businesses throughout the Midwest. He co-writes a blog with me at ManagingActions.com as well as on his own blog at ErichStauffer.com.
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