Zac Parsons

My son and I at a community service project last Fall.

This morning, while sitting at the kitchen table, the question that I had expected my son to eventually ask me, was finally asked.  After taking the self-applied clip-on tie off of his undershirt, buttoning his top button, and correctly reseting the tie, he looked at me and said:

“Daddy, why don’t you go to church with us?”

Kim happened to be walking down the hall, but she heard the question and raised her eyebrows at me as if to say “He’s your son!”  She realized that this was going to be a man to man conversation, and continued to the bathroom to prepare herself for the upcoming church service.

I looked at my son’s earnest eyes, and contemplated his even more earnest question.  As many parents do, I weighed the merits of a short answer that would stop his questioning, but be less than truthful, against a more truthful answer than might take a series of answers and explanations about things that he might have trouble wrapping his mind around.  Today, I chose to give him the more honest answer.

I told him that it was because of my beliefs.  Although the church and I share some of the same beliefs about living a moral life, we differ on so much more.  The main difference, as I told my son, was the church’s view of the other, the outsider, the adherent of another faith, and/or the unrepentant sinner.  This church (like many others) believes that after death, certain people will end up in some sort of hell.  For most of my life, I have believed the same.  But in the past few years, for a variety of reasons, I no longer do.

Before explaining anything else to him, I let him know that despite his desire to be just like me in so many ways, his beliefs would have to be his own.  Whether my words of explanation will have any more influence on him than my actions, only time will tell.  But, I wanted to express to him how personal everyone’s beliefs are, and how they should have some measure of respect.

After describing hell as a place where people were sad and crying for ever and ever, and where God could not/would not ever see them or rescue them, my son replied that he did not want to ever go there.  I told him that some people believe that the population of hell is made up of people who deserve to be there.  I shared with him my belief in a God who would not create someone who would eventually end up in hell.  In fact, I read a great quote in a book by Samir Selmanovic just yesterday:

“I have become convinced that a God who favors me over others is not worth worshipping.”

In the end, my son walked away with a couple of new thoughts about God and hell, and an apparently sufficient answer about why daddy wasn’t going to church.

Really, I just can’t wrap my head around the belief that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and at the same time that God is the creator of this mess that falls short of Him.  If God is responsible for the situations in our life that lead us to make choices, then He is also somewhat responsible for those choices.  If He is not responsible for those situations, then everything is just chance and chaos.  God cannot judge our actions justly if we are all playing with different pieces on often vastly different game boards.

I’m sure that I could say more about this, but I’ll save it for another time.

Not believing in hell is just a stone’s throw away from not believing in “sin”.  In light of my Christian upbringing, this is a belief that challenges much of what is commonly understood about the purpose and nature of Jesus, the namesake of Christianity.  If there is no hell, and there is no sin, then what was Jesus all about?  If he was just a great moral teacher, and not God incarnate, then this changes everything.  Depending on what criteria you use to classify a Christian, then you may not consider me one anymore.  To be honest, I myself often wonder if I should claim that for myself anymore.

I feel like I’m a sort of religious no man’s land.  Where I’m going to end up is unclear.  I just know where I don’t want to be:  In a place where God loves me (enough to give me life in heaven) more than he loves other people (so little that He lets them die in hell).  If you found some place where I could find myself more at home, please let me know.

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One of the paradoxes of the curriculum at The Pacific Institute (and I mean that in a very complementary way) is the mandate to set a firm goal, and to be flexible with the process that gets you there.  Maybe its more of a misnomer than a paradox, because it’s often difficult to identify what is a process or step towards the goal, and what is a goal in and of itself.

I have a lot of goals.  One of them involves becoming a better facilitator.  Another involves becoming a better communicator.  Still another is about being a wise man.  A few months back, a local college preparatory school asked if I would be interested in substitute teaching.  I identified this opportunity as a process that would help me towards those first two goals, and even provide a little income on the side.  After meeting with the administration and learning a little about the school and its values, I agreed and began to substitute a few days per month, for various courses.

While I was there, a funny thing happened.  I LOVED it.  Now, I don’t mean that it was a pleasant surprise and a welcome change to my schedule.  I mean that I could feel something inside of me and around me as I walked through the doors into the hallway.  Now, it may be that they pump laughing gas through the air vents, but I think it is more likely that some vivid picture of life that I had in my own mind was being matched by something outside of me.  It was the realization of a goal that my subconscious mind had been teleologically fixed to, and I thoroughly enjoyed becoming aware of it.

Still, my goal remained to be a full-time Project Director and Facilitator with The Pacific Institute.  I was meeting new people, developing new projects, and collaborating with others for some exciting work in the coming months and years.  The goal was fixed, my affirmations were clear, and the plan was moving forward.

Then a door opened.

The head of the upper school called me to inquire if I would be available to fill in for a teacher for the rest of the school year.  Without even thinking, I politely declined, citing the amount of time I needed for my projects with The Pacific Institute.  Because my goal was clear, and I perceived this new information to be a threat to that goal, I shut the door.

But, as it sometimes does, opportunity knocked again.  This time, our conversation touched on the courses that would be on my docket.  Subjects like psychology, religion, history, and social studies.  She wasn’t asking for me to fill a hole as a warm body.  She was telling me that she had interviewed several interested applicants, and still believed that I was the best candidate for the position.  She was confident in the positive impact the position would have on me, and the students of the school.

So I did something that I should have done the first time around: I evaluated.

As I looked closely at the opportunity, I became acutely aware that I was not operating within a vacuum.  Taking responsibility for my choices and their consequences has been my modus operandi for the past seven months, but I often forget that almost every choice has consequences outside of me as well.  It’s another paradox, it seems.  I can’t focus just on my own choices and their consequences, and I can’t just be passive and let my life happen to me.  It’s a delicate balance, and I was leaning too much on the goal of being a successful Project Director.

But why did I want to become a successful Project Director?  Was it so that I could share my own experiences with others in a way that would help them to avoid the pain that I had experienced?  Was it to impact people in a meaningful way so that they would find something great within themselves because of something I did or said?  Was it to do my part as a citizen of the world to make it a better place?  When I took all of those things into consideration, the teaching position was offering me a process towards an even greater goal: not just to be a wise man, but to be a wise man with a legacy for my children.

In the end (or beginning, as it were), I gladly accepted the position and will begin on January 4, 2010.  Since I was a teenager, I have had the idea in my mind that I will have my act together (in some way) by the time that I reach 30.  If Jesus didn’t really get his game going until then, and Siddhārtha didn’t reach enlightenment before 30, why would I?  In February, I’ll reach that magical age, and while I’m not sure that I’m going to have my act together, this new chapter has me very excited about what life (and my students) will teach me as a teacher.

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In 1994, Brad Jacobsen was hanging out with some friends along the bank of a river in the Pacific Northwest.  Someone decided to break out a frisbee, and a spirited game began.  At some point, when someone threw a frisbee near to one side of him, like he did with so many other things in his life, Brad went all out.  With a few steps in the water and a quick, spry jump that was always natural for the athletic young man from British Columbia, he tried to leap into the water.  But his foot slipped on the sand.  Thinking that part of the river was deeper (and trying to avoid an embarrassing bellyflop), he tried to roll as he hit the water.  Sadly, it wasn’t.  It would be the last time he would ever have the use of his legs.  Brad’s spinal cord was irreparably injured.

Since that day, Brad has persevered from the life-altering accident to become a man more focused than ever on having a positive impact on this world and a high quality of life.  He also happens to be a VJ for The Pacific Institute’s “Discovering the Power in Me“.  Brad has an incredible sense of self-efficacy.  He continues to be an avid outdoorsman and has hiked the physically and mentally exhausting Pacific Trail.  He is producing a documentary of the journey he and nine friends took on the trail.  Check out the preview below.  If you would like to be a part of financially supporting the completion of his movie, you can contact Brad at poobala@hotmail.com.

His body may be seated, but his spirit is standing.

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I do not own a John Mayer album.  I can’t say that I was tapping my toes when my brother introduced his music to me during a car ride through the New Mexico desert a few years back.  I do remember his Volkswagen commercial where he just shreds his guitar while using the car’s audio system as an amplifier.  Really, my only exposure to the more human side of John was a fairly popular Youtube clip of him on a VH1 show doing an off the cuff parody of Chocolate Rain.

The day of Michael Jackson’s death, Mayer’s words were the celebrity quote that most accurately conveyed my own feelings at the time:

“Dazes in the studio.  A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us.  RIP MJ.  I think we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.”

Then, I saw his musical tribute at Michael Jackson’s funeral.  It was a type of synthesis of his unbelievable guitar talent, and the very human connection that John felt with Michael’s music and life.  It had such an impact on me, that I made it the theme song to this web site, as odd and as self-aggrandizing as that is.  Strangely enough, I’m not sure if I have thought about John Mayer or heard any of his music since then.

It is somewhat poetic and appropriate then, that a recent video interview of John with CNN would catch my attention and paint a nice picture of what it means to be human.

The full transcript of the interview is even better and I gleefully recommend reading it.

Many of the articles on this site deal with the human side of two groups of people who often times aren’t considered as such: criminals and celebrities.  I am convinced that both groups of people are judged far too harshly by many, due to the blindingly bright nature of one side of his/her personhood.

If you view John Mayer as a skirt chasing, limelight loving, lucky SOB;  you’re only half right, if that.  The theme of the interview (and apparently, this new album) is that John is taking ownership of who he actually is, and not who he is trying to be or pretending to be.  This is tremendously important for anybody who is looking to know oneself, even if for the sake of trying to change.

Although John’s comments on age are intentionally hilarious and exaggerated, they ring true to me now as I am on the cusp of my thirties.  I’m taking inventory of where I have been, and I’m trying to examine the events that most helped to contribute to my current state.  I now believe that just a few core beliefs help to guide nearly everything that I do, and in a way, life isn’t as complicated as I sometimes make it.

As Polonius said to Laertes in Hamlet: “This above all: to thine own self, be true.”  Before John Mayer was a celebrity, he was… John Mayer.  Writing songs about love and heartbreak were natural, well received, and most of all… real.  It sounds as if he is trying to keep a hold of that which made his music magical, namely his unapologetic honesty.  He may not be politically correct, but he doesn’t seem to be bitter or resentful of much outside of himself either.

I’m a fan of honest conversations and blunt confrontations, in a spirit of love.  I want my life to be characterized by more of this.  I want it to be one of those core values that everything else flows out of.  Thanks for reminding me of that today, John.

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The memorial service for those who lost their lives at the hands of Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan is being held in Ft. Hood today.  The President is scheduled to speak in honor and remembrance of the 13 fallen men and women from the deadliest incident to take place at an Army Base on U.S. soil in history.  It’s shaken up a large portion of the population and has brought the military back to the front page of the media machine from months of headlines regarding healthcare and the economy.

The incident itself may be newsworthy due to the unprecedented number of casualties, but two big wrinkles have given this story pretty long legs to run on.  As the story continues to unfold, we now know a few details from the assailant.  First, he was a licensed Army psychiatrist, someone professionally trained to help soldiers readjust to life after a tour in Afghanistan or Iraq.  Second, according to eyewitness accounts, he shouted “Allahu akbar” just before opening fire.  As you may know, this is an Aramaic phrase loosely translated as “God is great”.  It’s become a calling card of sorts for Muslim terrorists who believe they are acting on God’s behalf.  Let’s start with the latter.

Every major American Islamic organization publicly condemned the attack as immoral and anti-Islam.  A few angry members of the community in Ft. Hood took it upon themselves to call in death threats to area mosques, as if that would change the past or help the future in some way.  I agree with the sentiment of Arsalan Iftikhar, who wrote a fine editorial on the double standard of Muslim ties to terrorism and hate crimes compared to those who commit similar acts from a Christian upbringing.

Is religion the cause of this act?  It’s a fair question to ask, and it seems to come up every time there is a notable incident of murder in the name of God, be it Allah or Elohim.  But with the histories of nearly all major religious traditions involving some sort of divinely sanctioned homicide, should we be surprised when modern day believers act in such a way?  If it was ok to commit genocide on the Philistines, the Nephites, the infidels, or some other group in the past, because of the greater good that God had planned, is it so difficult to comprehend the state of mind of today’s “holy warrior”?

One of my favorite quotes from Lou Tice, Chairman of The Pacific Institute, is:

We act not according to the truth, but the truth as we believe it to be.

If someone believes that God is speaking to them, and that God has a plan much larger than current circumstances, then ANY moral beliefs can be compromised to achieve obedience to that plan, including the value of human life.  Our internal beliefs about something’s legitimacy have much more to do with our corresponding actions than any sort of external “proof”.  Unfortunately for those closest to the Ft. Hood community, Major Hasan believed that he was doing God’s will at the time of his attack, despite “proof” of the evils of murder that many in society simply take for common sense.

This is a pretty volatile topic, so let’s see if anyone is interested in discussing it further, here.  Just leave a comment and let’s talk about it!

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Easy tiger...

How you feel about Jon Gosselin is probably going to depend a lot on what you have personally experienced in your own life, or how you value stories of failure and redemption.  If you’ve led a morally upright life, and you tend to only value failure if it is soon followed by redemption, you may have little to no sympathy for Jon Gosselin and his bachelor-esque behaviors (while married) over the past several months.

This is especially difficult to swallow for those who revered him as a type of “super-dad” and loving husband who would sacrifice anything for his family.  Even if a divorce is a dance for two, he seems to have loaded up the jukebox with many more songs than Kate.  Their legal proceeding are becoming increasingly volatile and their relationship is strained to a microscopic level.  I’m sure that many may have the desire to remind Jon that he made this bed, and now it is time to sleep in it.

From doting father and submissive husband to jet-setting playboy with a cell phone filled with booty calls, Jon has shown clearly that he has a wild side.  But is that all that it is?  Is it just one side of his personality?  With his behavior over the last year seeming so different than what was known about him up until that time, the question on many people’s minds is:  ”Will the real Jon Gosselin please stand up?”

Lisa Respers France from CNN wrote a fantastic piece about Jon’s recent conversations and counseling with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who apparently is something of a celebrity spiritual advisor.  In the article, besides dispelling rumors that he was to be starting a new reality series with “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, Jon had some frank comments about his behavoir:

I am well aware that my behavior over the past few months has not always reflected my personal and religious values. I further accept that I have allowed myself to become somewhat severed from my own moral anchor and be carried away by the challenges of fame.

and:

It is my sincere desire to use the fame I have so unexpectedly acquired to highlight mature, responsible behavior as well as the joys of fatherhood and family.

and probably the most honest of them all:

I ask the public to please understand the challenges I face in living under constant public scrutiny, even as I am aware that I have at times courted that scrutiny.

Ok, so a level-headed Jon is issuing a mea culpa, with a promise to change the future in a positive way.  But does anyone care?  Over 60% of that CNN article’s readers polled believe that Kate should NOT forgive Jon.  There is a real belief in the minds of many people that some sort of penance must be undertaken before forgiveness should be entertained.  Perhaps those people are right.

But there are many that believe that blanket forgiveness is often undeserved, and punishment (or justice) is the best way to return to a balanced way of life.  In my own story, many people advised Kim to “make him (me) pay” and “make him (me) work for your (her) love” during the beginning of our time of healing.  Our healing blossomed into a reconciliation, but that is not and should not be the only expected result of healing.  Peace is paramount.

Jon at a more innocent time

Past behaviors, both negative and positive, must be synthesized to arrive a current state of someone’s character appraisal.  Jon is neither a knight in shining armor nor a wild, partying, lust-monster.  At least, not fully.  They are two sides of his personality, and it’s likely not a 50/split.  We all act differently in different stages of our lives, and sometimes the pendulum swings wildly.

Human nature is not just about who we wish to be, it’s about who we are, which is evidenced by what we do.

The biblical story of the prodigal son has be retold in many different forms over the centuries.  I even participated in a reimagining of the story with cues taken from The Princess Bride while I was in college.  In my opinion, it’s a story that highlights three parts of human nature:

1. Personally testing the rules put in place by others for one’s own good, only to find out through much pain that they are true.  (The prodigal son)
2. Having love override all negative behaviors to bring about a restoration of peace, despite a lack of justice.  (The father)
3. Being frustrated and angry over a lack of justice and wanting a situation of “fairness” to exist.  (The brother)

I’ve felt all of these feelings at different times in my life.  Is the Gosselin saga an appropriate narrative to apply the principles of this parable?

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Malcolm Gladwell is my favorite writer and one of the brightest thinkers I have come across.  He was invited to give a talk at TED.com, which is a website sprung from an organization dedicated to discussing “ideas worth spreading” in the fields of Technology, Entertainment, and Design (TED).  The video below is from his talk in February 2004 and is about 17 minutes long.

Gladwell illustrates the lessons from his story about Howard Moskowitz pretty darn well, so I won’t add much.

I too often find myself obsessed with universals and trying to discover the rules that govern the way that all of us behave.  The idea of variability and diversity is very intriguing.  In truth, there may only be a handful of universals amidst a sea of beautiful diversity and variables.  It seems to me that a large proportion of our conflicts and wars are due to leaders mistaking a variable truth for one that is universal, and then attempting to impose it on the masses.

Even attempting to give something as universal as “freedom” to another culture can fail based on the variable understandings and perspectives on freedom.

The older I get, the less “black and white” the world gets.  While I always knew that “There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s”, I didn’t extrapolate that principle to many other areas of my life.  There always seemed to be a right way to do this, and a wrong way to do that.  The more I understand about my own perception, the less faith I have in my ability to discern things that are ALWAYS right or ALWAYS wrong.

Since taste seems to be obviously chock full of variability, where does that principle end?  What is universal?

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Michael Halcomb wrote an intriguing article on Brad Pitt’s beliefs on God this past weekend.  I may not have interpreted it all correctly, but it seemed to say that Brad Pitt’s beliefs were not as valid as those of someone with an education in theology.  It really got me thinking.  What are some of the realms in life that you do not need to be an expert in, in order to have an opinion of?  (Terribly worded sentence, I agree.  But are you an English teacher?)  Maybe put another way, can you take a vote at the meetings if you are not a member of the club?

The title Will Smith movie (there I go with celebrities again) “The Pursuit of Happyness“, is one piece of a hendiatris that most Americans know by heart.  It’s from the Declaration of Independence.  Life and liberty are also listed as “unalienable rights” that are due to all mankind, not just Americans.  There are some limits to this, of course.  If my pursuit of happiness ends your life or encroaches on your happiness, then the tripartite motto fails.  It is an “all or nothing” idea that must be true for all in order to be true for one.

The reason that I give Brad Pitt’s beliefs on God so much respect is because I give my own beliefs the same respect.  I know that my actions are informed by my beliefs (if not sometimes completely caused by them).  Nearly everything I do flows out of my beliefs, whether I am conscious of it or not.  In a sense, my existence hinges on my beliefs.  ”I think, therefore I am.”  Thanks Descartes.  I’m on board with you there.  Whether my beliefs are good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, positive or negative, they are the core of who I am.

If Brad Pitt is being honest with his thoughts, then he has my respect.  He is only acting and reacting from the stimuli of his life, as we all are.  I’m not sure how to qualify any of this as a “less than” or “greater than”.  I believe that Mr. Halcomb knows more about biblical studies than Mr. Pitt, but I’m not sure that that translates to a actual knowledge of God that is superior.

I’m not sure if belief in God falls into the “pursuit of happiness” bucket, or if another one should be created.  What I do know (ahem… BELIEVE), is that alive or dead, I should know more in the future than I know today.  Until then, I’m not going to stake my flag where I’m standing, as it relates to most ideas.  I’d probably be pulling it up soon anyway.  Here’s to continuing the journey…  Cheers!

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Today I got to spend some time with Aaron Blackstone.  Aaron is an associate of The Pacific Institute and lives in West Seattle.

When he was a teenager, he was a top athlete in his school in soccer, wrestling, and track.  He also was highly involved in competitive horseback riding year round.  A car accident changed all of that.  He experienced significant brain trauma and spent 13 weeks in a coma.  He lost the use of many of his normal bodily functions.  He needed to re-learn how to read, eat, speak, bathe, etc.  His life was significantly different than it was before the accident.

What I was struck by most about Aaron, who has now lived more of his life with the injury than before it, was his glow.  He is an absolutely positive person.  His days aren’t “good”, they are “great”.  He lights up a room when he walks in and does even more when he opens his mouth.  Everything about who Aaron is now is for the good of the world.  He wants to and is changing people’s lives with his perspective on life.  It may have been having a near death experience, or it may just have been the supportive family that stood by him and lifted him up, year after year.  Aaron has all of the maturity of someone who has gone through difficult life experiences, but very little of the bitterness that can be associated with that.

He has kept a journal for over 15 years that is now over 2,000 pages long.  In it, he takes the principles of life that he picks up along the way, and personally applies them to his life.  He uses the words “I” and “me” as he builds affirmations about himself.  He looks at his accident as a gift.  It has changed the course of his life in a way that he would not want to take back if he could.

If anyone could claim to be a victim in life, it would be Aaron, but fortunately, he does not choose to.  I make the same choice today as well.

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