Zac Parsons

So…. maybe you heard about the controversy surrounding the speech that the President of the United States is giving in Arlington, VA today.  If not, I’ll try to fill you in quickly.  Its a speech to children.  Children in a school.  A public school.  And it it being broadcast around the country to any other public or private school that would like to participate.  In fact, the White House in encouraging all schools to take part, but it is not a mandate to do so.  Why this is controversial?  That’s what I am trying to figure out myself.

Before reading on, I would really encourage you to read the entire speech online at www.whitehouse.gov.  Many people have accused the President of being a skilled orator, with a dynamic speaking presence that can mesmerize an audience, whatever the subject matter may be.  So please, take the time to read it yourself, so that you are not hearing his voice or seeing his actions, but just the content of his message.

Well…. what did you think?  Pretty chalk-full of liberal propaganda right?  Most of the uproar about this speech has come from Americans who do not believe that a (insert adjective here) President should have an audience with young, moldable minds.  Is it because he is a Democrat?  Is it because he is young?  Is it because he is (gasp)… black?  I really don’t know.

I really believed that the President has the right to such a request to speak to the nation’s youth.  I wondered why people would be against it.  After reading the speech myself, I am even more convinced of his intentions to encourage America and promote American ideals.

Having some background in preaching myself, I was reminded of some of the better sermons that I have listened to in my life.  His call was not to judge the world and everything that is currently besetting our country.  He didn’t bemoan the financial crisis or speak ill of past leadership.  He spoke directly to the student, and put the responsibility right on the individual to take charge and make right the world in their own unique way.

Encouraging kids to continue their education to reach their dreams?  Propaganda!

Sharing stories from his own life to illustrate what perseverance can result in?  Brainwashing!

Building up children to set high goals and understand the work needed to achieve them?  He is the antichrist!

Now, these answers have come from people of varying degrees of political extremism.  But they are real responses to the idea of the President speaking to America’s children.  If you have a problem with the speech, is it because you are an American, or because you are a Republican?  Would you be opposed to a speech made by John McCain (whom I voted for….TWICE!) under similar circumstances?

It’s almost been a year since we officially voted a young, black, democrat with a background in Islam to the White House.  When will more of us treat him with the respect that his office commands?

Thank you for your investment in today’s American youth, Mr. President Barack Obama.  You have earned these 15 minutes with my children.

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But what was the question?  Just hours before passing on November 21, 2008, Brendan Foster was interviewed by CNN for a food drive for the homeless that he helped  birth from his hospital bed, just two weeks before.  The reason for his hospital stay?  Leukemia.  The interview and the question that he was asked is in the video below.

It’s been over 7 months since Brendan died, but his words have echoed in my mind countless times since then.  I tend to be an adventurous person.  I love to try new things and experience the different flavors that life has to offer.  But, as we all know, there are only so many hours in a day, and only so much that can be experienced at the same time.  Sometimes to try something new, you have to give up on something old.

It sounds great right?  Something is not working like it was before, so you throw it away and get something better?  You only live once, so make sure that you live it right!  No one wants to look back at their life in regret of the actions that they did not take, or the experiences that they were too afraid to try.  It does take some courage to try something new, but that courage does not make you wise or righteous in having it.  In fact, you can be a fool if you do not first consider the circumstances around the “old” thing, at the time when it was “new”.  What was it that made the “old” thing so desirable in the first place?

I slowly raise my hand up to identify myself as one of those fools.  I was experiencing difficulty in my marriage.  In some ways, if I’m being honest, it felt like a terminal illness.  I was unhappy, and the only option I chose to see was the one that Brendan wished that I wouldn’t.  I gave up.  I threw both hands in the air and said:  ”I quit!”  I thought about my wife and my children and honestly believed that they would be happier to have a happier me.  That meant leaving.  I didn’t believe that my presence and perseverance were valuable enough to hold onto.  What I saw… was broken.  So I threw it away.

Then, I saw Brendan’s interview.  It shook me.  ”Why was it ok for me to give up?”  I kept asking myself.  But it was too late.  I had closed the door, sealed my fate, and turned the page.

But his words stayed with me.

The divorce continued.  She moved on.  I moved on.  Lawyers came in.  Assets and debts were divided.  Visitation schedules were drawn up.  Friends took sides.  Family members ached with their own sense of loss and betrayal.  And on May 6, 2009 it was finished.  The divorce was final.

And with that mutual goal of divorce being completed, something changed.  Something in our perception of reality.  We now faced a future together as co-parents of three wonderful children.  We were still “partners”.  In truth, our love for children is what brought us together in the first place.

We had poured out the bottle of our love for each other.  Every last drop was gone.  But as we looked closely at the bottle, we noticed the “CRV” near the bottom, in small print.  Cash Redemption Value.  Whoever created this bottle still wanted to use it.  Even after we had exhausted it’s contents.  We remembered when the bottle was first filled with our courtship and marriage.  We remembered praying together asking our Creator to create something beautiful with us.  We wondered if there was value still to be had from this bottle.  We wondered if we were worth redemption.

Now, as we attend counseling together, I see the value of holding on.  As we learn more about cognitive psychology together, we see our scotomas and acknowledge our limited perceptions.  We are creating a new vivid picture together and we are praying again for our Creator to fill the bottle.  It still has value.  WE still have value.

I share Brendan’s answer on what makes him sad, for myself.  Not every situation is like mine.  There is necessary growth in life and sometimes we must let go to grow.  But now that I have this chance again to create something beautiful, I’m holding on.

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“Dazes in the studio.  A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us.  RIP MJ.  I think we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.”  John Mayer

I have so many memories of my adolescence that were colored by Michael Jackson’s music.  Of all the people in my Jr. High, I was probably the biggest Michael Jackson fan of them all.  Ryan Rivetto and Ben Thompson can surely testify to this, as I exposed them constantly to his music with explanations as to why they should share in my joy and passion of the music, lyrics, and accompanying videos.  As I’m writing this, MTV is playing Michael’s Dirty Diana song, which was the only one that Ryan could tolerate (mostly because he could imagine Pearl Jam covering it).

My personal favorite song was Smooth Criminal.  You may remember the video where he is hearing the white gangster (not gangsa) suit, breaking pool balls, and doing “the lean”.  I’ve embedded the video below if you want to see what I’m talking about:

When Alien Ant Farm covered this song during my college years, I about peed my pants.  It was a ridiculous (in a good way) amalgamation of the music of my childhood and the music of my young adulthood.

Today, the day after, has been easier for me to deal with this emotionally than it was last night.  The more I’ve thought about it, and wondered why it was affecting me so much, I think that Jon Mayer’s words above shed some light on things.  Michael Jackson’s missing childhood has been discussed and pointed to as the cause of much of his erratic behavior over the last 20 years.  It was as if at some point, he got locked into a state of arrested development.  He spent his time with younger children, sometimes crossing sexual lines with them as he showed his affection and love.  Macaulay Culkin was one his best friends, nearly 20 years his junior.  His home was a type of amusement park with toys that would put all other man caves to shame (in many senses of the word).  He wanted to go back to that part of innocence of playing and loving.  He sang for world peace.  He wanted to Heal the World.  Michael wanted to return to that time of his childhood.

I won’t try to speak for other fans, but his death left me feeling the same way.  I think back to dancing in my bedroom with my sister (poor girl had few options for entertainment back then).  I remember sitting in my bed, just letting the lyrics of his songs pour into my mind and heart, filling me with dreams of doing something huge, achieving my dreams, making a difference, and having true love.  In a strange way, his love for children greatly impacted my life and my own love for children.  I’ve noticed that the first thing most people will use to describe me to others is my love for my children.

It’s so freeing to go back to those times in my mind.  It’s easy to be intoxicated by memories and dwell on the good, the beautiful, and the hopeful.  I’m sure that there were times of stress and pain, but I’ve pushed a lot of them out of my mind.  I see a lot of times in my life where I have made decisions that reflected my desire to go back to a world that doesn’t exist like my mind tries to tell me it did.  I know that Matt Van Tassel wishes that Jon and Kate’s drama would go away soon, and he may just get his wish with all of the media coverage of this death.  With apologies to Matt, I see a lot of Jon’s behavior being a result of this same kind of thinking.  Wanting to relive his twenties or live them for the first time, I’m not sure.  Just my opinion based on what I have viewed through the lens of my own experience.

So Michael, I am so very sad about the things in your life that did not reflect your principles of love, peace, and beauty.  Your music impacted my life and helped me to become who I was, who I am now, and who I will be.  Though some parts of your life were tragic, I celebrate you and thank you for living it in a way that allowed me to share it, albeit from a great distance.  Rest in peace.

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After watching the U.S. men’s national soccer team this week, I’m at a loss.  Something is wrong, that much is clear.  But, what is it?  And more importantly, how can it be fixed?  I missed the first half of the game vs. Italy, where the U.S. was up 1-0 at halftime, albeit down a man due to a red card.  Whether they played inspired to get to that tally or not, it’s a good sign to have a lead.  The parts of the match that I did see, frustrated the crap out of me.  It’s one thing to play to your individual potential, and be surrounded by teammates who are in some way inferior (see LeBron James).  It’s another thing to underperform individually, and as a team.  Having each player frustrate and bring down his teammates is a sort of social cannibalism, but whereby everyone loses.  For me, that points to leadership.

One of the greatest attributes of the game of soccer is the lack of time outs and in game coaching.  When that whistle blows, it is time to perform at whatever level you are capable of, acting and reacting to everything that happens without time to draw up a play (other than on a set piece).  During the flow of the game, you have to be mental strong enough to believe in your training and your potential.  If you have been a part of a victory against a world class opponent (see video below of Brian McBride’s goal to put the U.S. up 3-0 vs. Portugal in the 2002 World Cup), then that is your potential.  It should bother us anytime we know we could perform better, and we do not.

After watching the Germans in the 2006 World Cup, I was sure that the reason for their success what their upstart, free-wheeling coach Jurgen Klinsmann.  Since he was just fired by Bayern Munich in April, he may be available for international coaching duties.  If the U.S. Soccer Federation believes that Bob Bradley is not the answer at the top, then a decision needs to be made soon.  We are less than a year away from the first game of the 2010 World Cup, and another poor performance will sully the average American’s interest in soccer even more than 2006’s lousy showing.  Our only highlight was getting bloodied by the eventual champs.  Brian McBride is my hero.

Everything that I have been learning about cognitive psychology and human potential for success tells me that the U.S. team is simply not thinking correctly.  Some sort of thought patterns are contributing to a losing culture and a downward spiral.  If it is not the players’ self talk, it must be the leadership.  Who is responsible?  Can it be fixed in time for next year’s World Cup?  I guess we will all know in a year.  I will be in South Africa, cheering them on, no matter what.  With this program, I am in for life.

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Jonathan from "The Neverending Story II"

One of the joys of parenthood for me is exposing my children to movies from my childhood that resonated with me.  I’m not sure if I’m just trying to share my early joys and excitement from films with them, or if it is some sort of devious attempt at creating little Zac clones, one 90 minute bite at a time.  Regardless, our latest film was “The NeverEnding Story“, from 1984.  It’s the story of Bastian and his alter ego:  Atreyu, and how he fights the nothing by continuing to dream and hope for things that seem impossible and fantastic (leaning on the “fantasy” root of this word).  We found the DVD at Wal-Mart, and to my surprise and delight, it included the sequel:  “The NeverEnding Story II“.

It always seemed odd to me that a movie with a title like “The NeverEnding Story” would have a sequel, as I kept watching the film over and over, keeping with the “neverending” theme.  My children did not particularly like the sequel, and instead asked me if they could just watch the original film again (and again, and again….. my plan is working!  Ahem.)  I did not enjoy the sequel either, but I did notice the fact that it was one of the breakthrough roles for young actorJonathan Brandis.

I remembered Jonathan from his roles in Ladybugs and Sidekicks, not to mention the NBC series Seaquest DSV.  He was kind of a hearthrob in my pre-teen and early teenage years for most of the girls around me.  I must admit that my haircut in 7th grade was largely influenced by Mr. Brandis:

Me in 7th grade

Jonathan and his sweet hair

Some of my friends lovingly referred to this as the “butt cut” due to the clear part down the middle.  My hair did not have the body that his had, so I didn’t fully succeed with my imitation.  It was a look that I admired, and he was someone whom I admired.  He was four years older than me, which made him infinitely cooler than me, but also seemed to give me something to shoot for, as I matured.  He seemed to have it all:  good looks, good health, a successful movie career, and lots of famous friends.  It was an enviable situation for most boys who grew up in Generation Y.

After SeaQuest, his acting career started to slip from the heights of sharing the screen with Chuck Norris.  He was no longer cast as the lead in movies, and quickly fell into the background of movies that were themselves in the background of the American pop culture consciousness.  He said that he wanted to start writing movies, but found that it did not “pay the mortgage”.  He began to drink a little more, and looked to figure out what his next step in life would be.  On November 12, 2003, Jonathan’s friends found his body hanging from a nylon cord in his apartment complex.  He was 27.

I was so saddened to hear this, and especially surprised that I didn’t hear about it until late 2007. His autopsy report showed that he had no drugs and only a .03 alcohol content in his system.  He left no suicide note.  Jonathan’s role in the Bruce Willis movie Hart’s War had been cut out, and his friends were aware of how much this hurt him. I can’t image what pain his parents went through at that time and what they still go through each day, knowing that Jonathan should still be with them.

Years of research in cognitive psychology field has yielded a lot of data about how our performance follows after our thoughts of ourselves.  I am fascinated by this and continue to learn more about this through my work with The Pacific Institute.  I wonder how much of what Jonathan thought of himself had to do with his career as an actor.  I wonder how much his financial situation took a toll on his psyche.  I wonder what it would be like to have to compare your success level to… yourself, at a younger age.

My favorite part of the first “Neverending Story” movie is when Atreyu looks into the Magic Mirror and sees Bastian.  Engywook, a helpful gnome tells Falcor, the luck dragon, about the Magic Mirror:

Engywook:
Nonsense!  You don’t understand anything!  The worst one is coming up.  Next is the Magic Mirror gate.  Atreyu has to face his true self.

Falkor:
So what?  That won’t be too hard for him.

Engywook:
Oh!  That’s what everyone thinks.  But kind people find that they are cruel, brave men discover that they are really cowards.  Confronted with their true selves most men run away screaming!

After reading this in his book, Bastian throws the book across the room, not believing it to be true.  It is nearly impossible for him to believe that he could share the same identity as Atreyu, the brave warrior.  In my 29 years, I’ve been encouraged to believe that anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.  It was a phrase that screamed potential for greatness and success.  Now, more than ever, I still believe this.  But I now understand the potential for destruction that goes along with putting your mind towards something, or letting your mind get put towards something that you do not intend it to.

We all have great potential.  It begins in our minds.  I am more and more conscious of my thoughts each day.  What are you thinking about?

Rest in peace Jonathan.  Your life continues to speak to me.

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