“…the ball fell to me, and time kinda stopped…”

These words were Landon Donovan’s response just minutes after scoring the most clutch goal in United States Men’s National Team soccer history at the 2010 World Cup.  Donovan’s last minute goal against Algeria was the difference between his team going home, or going on.  It turn out to be one of the most important moments in the history of American soccer.

For the last four years, Donovan has had plenty to prove.  The overwhelming joy of the team’s astonishing quarterfinals appearance in the 2002 World Cup was all but forgotten after an utterly dismal encore performance at the 2006 World Cup, where they didn’t win a single match.  Being the face of the team is great when times are good.  But when crap hits the fan, it’s not much fun to be holding the bag.

Before each game, Donovan is militantly serious.  He’s the guy who barely blinks during the national anthem, choosing not to sing or even bow his eyes.  He gazes straight ahead, with his focus only on the filmstrip in his mind, mentally rehearsing the competition upcoming.  Each pass finds its way.  Each dribble is balanced and true.  Each shot off of his boot finds its way to the target.  Even with hundreds of millions of people watching, the man is a statue.

After this particular game, the mood was much different.  Donovan was different.  It was no longer time to prepare, it was time to reflect.  No more need to “Write the Future“, just to swim in the immediacy of now.

The live ESPN post-match coverage showed an interview with Donovan about five seconds after the camera started rolling.  Here’s that same interview, with the first five seconds in tact:

It’s incredible how quickly he gains his composure in this interview.  He knew this part would come.  As the face of American soccer since 2002, he’s given thousands of interviews.  This was his moment at the top of the mountain.  Time to share with the world how it had all gotten to this point.

He thanked his teammates, talked about the hard work he had put into everything, and compared the whole experience to a journey.  It was all true, and exactly the type of answer that everyone would expect.  He played the part just like the leader that he is expected to be.

I heard somebody somewhere say that “leadership leaks”.  The idea is that the influence that a leader has come less from conscious, deliberate methods or actions, but more from what leaks or spills out in an accidental or subconscious way.  The most important details of who we are often leak out the sides of what we are trying hardest to portray to others.

When a guy cries like that, he’s got a lot more than a soccer match on his mind.  What or who was on his mind leaked out at the end of the video, which was cut out of the ESPN feed above, but can be found in the last second of this clip on Youtube here:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Bianca Kajlich is Donovan’s ex-wife.  You can read online about their three-year marriage and eventual divorce.  Who blows a kiss to their ex-wife?  Even though the terms were reportedly amicable, a divorce is usually not something that anyone wants to celebrate.

In a great article about his growth from the failed 2006 experience and his failed marriage, Donovan talks about how much he has grown from it all.  From the time that you choose to get a divorce, to when it is finalized, there is a part of you that is happy to have a scapegoat for so many of your problems, struggles, and issues.  When the divorce is finally real, that scapegoat is gone.

“Bianca taught me a lot more about myself than I knew.”

The picture that I get from Donovan is that his ex-wife was a type of mirror for him.  She tended to show him his warts, and nobody really wants to stare at those.  You can argue with a mirror all you want, but it just reflects back to you what is truly there.

Once he realized that he was responsible for his failures on the field, and the ones in his marriage, it empowered him to make some changes.

“There are expectations from people and that’s a good thing, but what is most important to me is what I expect from myself.”

Redemption can be either be salvation from something you have done, or a return of something valuable that has been lost.  However his relationship with Bianca moves forward, or however his team finishes this 2010 World Cup, Landon Donovan’s time of redemption is at hand.

On a much more somber note, Jon and Kate plus 8 aired it’s final episode.  Part of me is relieved that some sort of conclusion has been reached in this saga.  There will always be some sort of celebrity status attached to this family, but unless they begin a new show or other endeavor into the entertainment world, the “new” normal that is coming may look more like the “old” normal that the Gosselins enjoyed before the show.

The biggest difference that I noticed in this episode was the behavior and attitudes of the older twin girls, Maddie and Kara.  The show starts with a daddy day.  The kids are all together with Jon, at the house, and they decide to put together a lemonade stand to raise money for the local fire department.  Tensions between the girls are high, which happens with siblings a lot in normal situations where tools (markers in this case) need to be shared.

In a moment of frustration, Maddie says “I like stuff we do with Mommy.”  Of course this doesn’t sit well with Jon, and he immediately banishes her from the project, with a pledge to throw her poster in the trash after she asks him not to finish it for her.  Just for good measure, Jon halts Kara’s progress on her poster and sends her inside as well.  The girls are left in tears, while Jon is able to bask in the glory of not being the easy-going, push-over dad of the past umpteen similar incidents with his children.  It seems that he is trying to “be” Kate in the increasingly frequent situations where she is not present.  Sadly, the girls are at school for the mommy day outing in the second half of the episode and are not seen or heard from again.

Its the moment that every divorced parent fears and tries to be prepared for: when the kids start playing the parents against each other, realizing that they are no longer on the same team.  Kate later laments her situation as a single parent by stating that Jon is no longer her teammate.  Its was a tough scene to watch, and even tougher to have as the last taste in my mouth of Maddie and Kara.  I’m hopeful that things have progressed with their relationships together, but there is no longer the promise of a future episode to experience this progression as a viewer.

Unlike with LOST (I hope), the ending of Jon and Kate Plus 8 does not tie up all of the loose ends.  Most likely, this is still very much the beginning of their journey as a family, albeit a fractured one.  Jon’s admission of fault for most of the downfall of his marriage is refreshing, but probably stings of “too little, too late”.  Kate seemed disappointingly focused on how depressing losing the show was for the kids, and much less on how their relationship with their father has changed.  Maybe this is too negative of a way to look at it all.  With plenty of knots to untie, there will be plenty of growth to be had for both of these parents.  I’m probably just jealous that I can no longer experience some of this growth vicariously.

I can’t say I know what it is like to be the parent of multiples.  I met with a new friend this week who has four 2-year-old children.  He shared with me the negative looks and disparaging remarks that his family has received since the Jon and Kate backlash began earlier this past summer.  I had a separate conversation today with a different friend about a view his counselor shared with him about the “selfishness” of having children.  The counselor is not a parent himself.  Both of these friends shared the same sentiment:

“You just don’t know until you’ve walked in my shoes.”

It’s probably the drum that I will bang over and over again as I hear criticism and judgement with little compassion or understanding offered.  Discipline, punishment, castigation, judgement, and the like are only useful as tools on a path of change, growth, and redemption.  Jon and Kate have received a lot of it over the past year.  Will it help to propel them to such change, growth, and redemption?  Listening to Jon’s final session on the couch…. maybe so.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I had a few people tease me in high school for playing “girls” sports like soccer and volleyball.  While I haven’t seen a volleyball video quite like this before, perhaps the idea of soccer being a “soft” game, even for girls, may be closer to being exposed as quite false.  While mostly tongue in cheek, it is a startlingly violent video.

Like many people, I was shocked and disgusted by how intentional Lambert’s actions were.  Even though the video just shows highlights (lowlights?) from the match, and the tension of the game cannot be discerned from snippets of film out of context, it’s impossible to justify what she did as an acceptable part of the game.  She has been suspended indefinitely, and many believe that she will not be considered for reinstatement to the team until she undergoes serious psychiatric analysis and treatment.  In addition to her reputation as a soccer player, he may also lose her scholarship, and any hopes she had of playing professionally at another level.

Many people can relate to losing their cool and doing something regrettable in the heat of the moment.  Unfortunately, many of us forget what we ourselves are capable of when we see such egregious acts of violence while personally being in a calm state of mind.  Some people have called for Lambert to be expelled from school.  Even others have wanted the police to investigate the hair pulling incident as an assault.  She has even received an alarming number of date proposals from men who would like her to treat them as rough as she does her opponents on the pitch.

After two weeks of dealing with a cacophony of media pundits and Youtube commenters, Elizabeth finally granted an interview to the New York times today.  Her tone varies from one of genuine remorse to explanatory pleading. The accompanying picture doesn’t exactly fit the thuggish girl from the video above.  Although her video seems to show a pattern of dirty play, she has only received 2 yellow cards in her career at New Mexico, which has spanned over 2,500 minutes on the field.  Maybe she did just have a bit of temporary insanity.  Perhaps she should be given more benefit of the doubt.

In fact, the two weeks of time that have passed since this episode and today’s interview have given me a lot of time to think about my own screw ups and shortcomings.  If I were defined by my weakest moments or known around the world by my greatest failures, I’m not sure if I would still be allowed my own web domain www.zacparsons.com.  As it is, people know me by some mix of what I have shared with them, or what they have heard or seen themselves or second hand from others.  Although I make sincere attempts to be transparent, I’m sure that many of my behavioral warts would lose me some friends and comrades if every detail of my life was known.

If what we know about someone is bad, is it fair to label him/her as a bad person?  Do stories of shocking behavior expose someone’s true nature, or is it just a moment of weakness that happened to catch our attention?  Do we poo-poo away our own moral failures as circumstantial, heat of the moment, “you would understand if you were in my shoes” types of events?  Or even if we take responsibility for our actions, do we feel that we need to saddle ourselves with that burden on a daily or hourly basis to remind ourselves of how evil we really are?

Maybe the question I’m asking is: are we all really bad people who happen to do good things from time to time?  Or are we all good people, who happen to do bad things from time to time?  Or are some of us more inclined to be good and others of us to be bad?  I believe that your answer to those questions has a lot do to with how you deal with others on a daily basis.

If you know that you need slack cut to you in order to enjoy life and the relationships around you, take a good look at how much slack you are cutting for others.  Since our country doesn’t even trust Elizabeth Lambert to make the decision to imbibe alcohol (she’s only 20), maybe we should all help her to learn from this and work towards changing her nickname to something more fitting of a human being.

After being recut to a more “audience friendly” length of 106 minutes, this trailer was made to promote the film for its release on DVD:

Click here to view the embedded video.

If the images of Jessica Biel dancing as a stripper garner your attention, then you will be pleased to discover that those scenes were kept in the movie, and are extensive.  In fact, in many circles, this film is known as “the movie where Jessica Biel finally takes her top off”.  Like “Havoc” and “The Gift“, the exposure of the female form from a formerly wholesome teenage actress threatens to overshadow the aim and theme of the movie containing it.  While that is an interesting topic on its own, it is better to discuss the movie’s intended theme (in this reviewer’s opinion), namely:  loneliness.

The setting of the film is Los Angeles, in present day, in the week preceding Christmas.  Although it is one of the largest cities in the world, feelings of alienation and disconnection are common.  If it is true that our past experiences and thoughts work to create present reality, the four main characters carry those heavy burdens in their eyes.  The least well known actor of the four, Eddie Redmayne, just looks lonely.  Being a mortician and a puppeteer, his character, Qwerty, spends much of his time with people who cannot respond to (or hurt) him.

The other characters are isolated by the results of past behavior and either blame themselves, God, or both.  No matter who is to blame, without peers, or a healthy social system to give perspective to their experiences, their loneliness is perpetuated.  For Forrest Whitaker‘s and Ray Liotta‘s characters, it’s haunting to watch them struggle against their past, and continually find their present unchanged.  Jessica Biel‘s portrayal of Rose Johnny is uneven, but was perhaps deliberately so to display some schizophrenic tendencies as a coping mechanism.

Overall, the movie succeeds in portraying loneliness in a vast sea of people, with no visual portrayals of crowds or masses of humanity included.  In an effort not to spoil too much of the movie, let’s just stop with saying that relationships are as vital to healthy human behavior as any moral code or doctrine for living.

In summary, the dedication of the directors, producers, and actors of this film deserved a better final product than the one that ultimately made it onto DVD this summer.  Not every story in this medium fits into a 90-110 minute window to maximize theatre screen turnover.  Character development was lost in an effort to translate emotion and experience with a type of cinema editing shorthand, and the viewer suffers because of it.  All in all, the movie is definitely worth renting, and if a director’s cut is released, worth a closer look again.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This CNN.com article tells more about the details of the extortion attempt, and the 15 years in prison that the suspect, Robert “Joe” Halderman, is facing if convicted.  It also speaks of the crowd’s response to his apology, which is what I would like to discuss here.

The overall sentiment of the audience seemed to be one of compassion and forgiveness.  There was only one quote in the article.  But judging by the crowd’s reaction to his comments, it seemed to be indicative of most present:

You could tell he’d been though a difficult situation and that he was sorry that he hurt other people, but he was also able to keep it funny, throw humor into it, too.

Now it may be too early too early to start judging this, but it is currently fresh in a lot of our minds.  Since the story just broke last week, it is interesting how quickly the public has been willing and able to forgive Letterman his transgressions.  It flies in the face of the adage:  ”Time heals all wounds”.

In the last week, we have talked about Roman Polanski, Jon Gosselin, and now David Letterman.  Three different men, with three different circumstances with females, and three different public responses.

Other than from his own peers, most of the public opinion (and some Hollywood opinion apparently) on Polanski is that he is guilty and should not be shown any leniency because of his age, celebrity, or citizenship status.  While his behavior violated a trust between two people, it also violated our laws to protect children, and the public outrage may be louder due the clear process of investigation and possible punishment that he is avoiding.  Still, the fact that Polanski fled the country and the situation did not garner much support then, and it would not now either.

Jon Gosselin’s affairs have been blasted on the front of nearly every celebrity magazine and website that exists over the last 9 months.  Whether he thought his private indiscretions would stay private, or if he was banking on the goodwill he gained as a “Super-dad” of 8 kids to counterbalance his actions, it’s pretty clear that he was wrong.  Although he made a half-hearted apology, public opinion on Mr. Gosselin is still decidedly against him.  He still hasn’t fully owned up to his actions, and forgiveness has not been offered in lieu of that.

David Letterman took a direct path to reconciliation and forgiveness, by taking responsibility for his actions.  Even the attorney for Mr. Halderman noted how quickly Letterman addressed this, saying:

He wanted to get out ahead of the story and that’s exactly what he did.

Whether it was an attempt to get ahead of the story or a sincere mea culpa, the effect is hard to dispute:  people value the truth.  When you are honest about your behavior, even if it is offensive, you are more likely to be accepted and forgiven by your peers or your society.  Well, unless you are not believed or trusted.  That’s another story altogether.

Thoughts?

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s hard to know what Jon really wants out of all of this.  Even though this is a video interview, and we are actually getting our information “from the horse’s mouth”, it still feels less than genuine.  You can almost see his lawyer’s hand reach into Jon’s back and making his lips move.  I smirked when his lawyer could not even remember the name of the show.  You’ve got to wonder how many times Larry King has watched the show himself.

It was surprising that his lawyer didn’t slap Mr. Jon Gosselin when he paused after being asked about how much money he made last year.  It’s responses like that (implying that he does not make enough money) that make you want to throw up.  But he does sprinkle in some other commentary that makes you want to pat him on the back.  Taking responsibility for his actions is a positive step.  There are many people who will never admit to a mistake.  I appreciate his honesty in sharing that.

I believe him when he says that he’s had an epiphany and that he cares for the welfare of his children.  It’s harder to believe that he told the TLC that he wanted to quit a long time ago for the sake of his children.  Especially with quotes like this from Kate from a corresponding CNN.com article saying she was:

“saddened and confused by Jon’s public media statements.”

and

“Jon has never expressed any concerns to me about our children being involved in the show and, in fact, is on the record as saying he believes the show benefits our children and was taping on Friday with the kids.”

It’s tough to see these two parents, who used to share a bed together, having to communicate to each other through media outlets and press releases.

A lot of anti-Jon sentiments have been put forth about about his recent playboy lifestyle and his womanizing ways, calling him a loser, a cheater, and a poser.  If his latest feelings are to be believed, (that he regrets his behavior, made mistakes, and wants to befriend Kate and work out his marriage), will people forgive him?

Many of the negative comments about Jon that I have heard have added a prescription for what he “should” be doing.  Namely, stop production of the show, stop all of the high profile womanizing, and work out a situation for his family that is in the best interest of his children.  If he indeed does this, will those same people support him?

Are comments of criticism meant to redeem Jon into some sort of redemptive behavior?  Or are they just mean-spirited and judgement, and a way to feel better about oneself for not experiencing the same moral failures?  Basically, will the public shackle Jon to his past?  Or will they support him into the future as he exemplifies approved behavior?  What do you think?

Yup.  It’s official.  In an ironic twist of fate to those who have watched Jon drop the ball with his family, Jon Gosselin’s name has now been dropped from the show that he began with his wife and children just a few short years ago.  According to this CNN.com article, the new show will start on November 2, and will be called “Kate Plus 8″.  Oddly enough, TLC and Mr. Gosselin will maintain their “exclusive relationship”, for whatever that’s worth.

I’ve followed this story on my blog for a while, for two main reasons:

First, it was one of the top shows in my DVR stable, only subordinate to LOST.  We had never missed an episode, and I had a genuine rooting interest in their family, just from watching them grow from the comfort of our living room.

Second, I myself have gone through and continue to go through some of the same emotions and actions (including infidelity and divorce) that Jon is in the midst of at this time.  We both were deeply wrapped up in Christian communities where divorce is a sin of the highest order, and marriage is forever, is forever, is forever.  Happiness is at least secondary to commitment, if it is even in the top ten virtues of that sub-culture.  In this way, I felt much closer to Jon because of our kinship in seeking freedom from what seemed to be an oppressive situation: ie marriage.

Kate Gosselin is a strong woman.  This much is clear.  She has handled the situation with a good measure of class and composure, even admitting to some moments of despondence during this ordeal.  She has always been open about her flaws, even being willing to show her post-pregnancy belly on national TV before she was anything close to famous.

Jon, it seems has taken a different turn.  While the news of the demise of their marriage was fresh, many men (and women) wondered why it hadn’t happened sooner.  For all of her good qualities, Kate had a knack of putting Jon down, questioning his parenting skills, and generally treating him like a child.  And all of this on national television and (perhaps more painfully) in front of their children.  You could hardly contain Jon’s smile in the moments of freedom that he experienced on the show.  He seemed to begrudge his commitment to Kate and the effect it was having on his own personal freedom.

But, since their story has become a top headline around the gossip columns and the water coolers, he is much less “devoted dad” and much more “deluded douche-bag”.  Having several girlfriends at once is not admirable, in my opinion, and sleeping with anyone who will have you (including the babysitter and the nanny) sounds more like bondage than emancipation to me.

The truth is, anything can become a ball and chain in our lives, not just the lovely woman that you got on your knee and promised the world to.

I honestly hope for the best for Jon and Kate, and that does not necessarily mean reconciliation.  I was (and continue to be) fortunate enough to have a woman love so deeply and so truly, that my redemption and forgiveness is at hand, even now.  According to the state, we are divorced.  But to those who know and love us, they see what we have been working towards over the last few months.  A reacquisition of the love we had feared lost, and a bright future where dragons are slay-able and mountains are conquerable.

Thank God for my lovely partner and the power in all of us to change our mind.

“Responding to reports of infidelities, Kate Gosselin from the reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8, denied that she and her husband were splitting up. Though it is interesting that TLC has two shows on its fall schedule entitled “Jon Plus 4″ and ‘Kate Plus 4.’”

I didn’t believe it at the time, but his words seem strangely prophetic in light of what the family and show are facing now.  Jon and Kate plus 8 returned to the air after a monthlong hiatus this past Monday.

The first of the two back to back episodes was compiled of earlier footage before the two parents had officially separated.  Jon and Kate shared just a couple of scenes together, and did not spend any time on the iconic couch, which has always been their nest for reflection on the episode.  The theme of this episode was the renovation of the kitchen, which was planned for during happier times, and happened to be scheduled for the summer.  While the two had to decide on what features they would have in their brand new custom kitchen (presumably free for them because of the exposure the company would receive), they made it clear that their choices would be for the children, and that they were only thinking about them.

I’ve heard a lot of comments around the web about how the sort of answer “we’re doing what’s best for the kids” is ludicrous based on their decision to separate.  The idea is that the best thing for children is for their parents to be together, no matter what.  It’s a callous point of view in my opinion, and one that is probably not offered by those who are in that situation, or who have gone through a similar situation.  I would like to believe that most parents love their children deeply and honestly do believe that their actions will have a positive effect on their children, in the long run.

In my case, I did not want to set an example of an unhappy marriage with my children.  I figured that if their mother was happier without me, and that I was happier without her, then our kids would understand and be happy for the both of us.  What I did not consider, was that my definition for happiness was something that I came to on my own, whereas my definition for happiness at the beginning of our relationship was something that Kim and I came to together.

As much as I want to believe it, there are very few (if any) things that make everyone happy.  You and I may like ice cream and it may make us happy, but there are a lot of people in the world who do not, for many reasons.  A positive pregnancy test means ecstasy to the couple who has been struggling with infertility for years, but it may shatter the dreams of a teenage girl who is a leader at her church.  Even taken to the extreme of life after death, in its simplest dichotomy, life with God seems like a dreadful time, while others yearn for it now, even while living.

Understanding other people, whether in a relationship with one other person, or within a real community with many people, is not always a first nature behavior.  For many of us, it isn’t even second nature.  During the show, Jon asks Kate if she would like to add a refrigerator under the counter.  She glares at him and asks, snootily,

“No Jon.  Ugh.  What planet do you live on?”

After a couple of beats of awkward silence, the kitchen remodeling designers explain to her that they also believe that it is a good idea and she sheepishly acknowledges that maybe he does live on this planet.  I paused the show, and commented to Kim:

“That was jacked up.  Why does she have to make a comment like that?”

To which Kim replied:

“Because he banged another woman, that’s why!”

“Touche” was the best reply that I could come up with after that.  I love that girl!

For Kim, Jon’s actions seemed to justify Kate’s treatment of him.  I saw Jon’s comment and felt that it was more innocuous and helpful and not deserving of the rebuke that he received from his wife.  Kim and I watched the same scene, but came to two different conclusions on Kate’s behavior.  I don’t know if either of us is “right”, and I don’t want to debate it now.  I just want to point out how both on the show, and in our viewing, we were unable to see the same situation in the same light.

I will say that Kate’s strength has come shining through in all of this.  In the second episode, she struggles with setting up a tent for her children, even as her daughters comment to her that it is something that only a man can do.  I’m sure the thoughts going through her mind about what her husband might be doing at that moment (or whom) instead of setting up that tent, must have been gnawing at her.  She showed incredible grace and poise, eventually acknowledging that she was not an expert at it, but that she would try to do anything for her children that they needed.  I really admired her in that situation.  I hope that Jon did as well.

Half way through the first episode, Kate and the kids hit the beach to be free of the dangerous remodeling in their kitchen.  Jon stayed behind and his absence was felt.  One of the boys drew his name (Dad) in the sand.  The camera caught a wave breaking onto his sand canvas, wiping out what he had made so far.  Kate exclaimed:

“Oh no.  Now we have to start over.”

Maybe so, Kate.  But if Kim and I are an imperfect but earnestly humble example… maybe not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je66DZHqtPQ

It’s been over 7 months since Brendan died, but his words have echoed in my mind countless times since then.  I tend to be an adventurous person.  I love to try new things and experience the different flavors that life has to offer.  But, as we all know, there are only so many hours in a day, and only so much that can be experienced at the same time.  Sometimes to try something new, you have to give up on something old.

It sounds great right?  Something is not working like it was before, so you throw it away and get something better?  You only live once, so make sure that you live it right!  No one wants to look back at their life in regret of the actions that they did not take, or the experiences that they were too afraid to try.  It does take some courage to try something new, but that courage does not make you wise or righteous in having it.  In fact, you can be a fool if you do not first consider the circumstances around the “old” thing, at the time when it was “new”.  What was it that made the “old” thing so desirable in the first place?

I slowly raise my hand up to identify myself as one of those fools.  I was experiencing difficulty in my marriage.  In some ways, if I’m being honest, it felt like a terminal illness.  I was unhappy, and the only option I chose to see was the one that Brendan wished that I wouldn’t.  I gave up.  I threw both hands in the air and said:  ”I quit!”  I thought about my wife and my children and honestly believed that they would be happier to have a happier me.  That meant leaving.  I didn’t believe that my presence and perseverance were valuable enough to hold onto.  What I saw… was broken.  So I threw it away.

Then, I saw Brendan’s interview.  It shook me.  ”Why was it ok for me to give up?”  I kept asking myself.  But it was too late.  I had closed the door, sealed my fate, and turned the page.

But his words stayed with me.

The divorce continued.  She moved on.  I moved on.  Lawyers came in.  Assets and debts were divided.  Visitation schedules were drawn up.  Friends took sides.  Family members ached with their own sense of loss and betrayal.  And on May 6, 2009 it was finished.  The divorce was final.

And with that mutual goal of divorce being completed, something changed.  Something in our perception of reality.  We now faced a future together as co-parents of three wonderful children.  We were still “partners”.  In truth, our love for children is what brought us together in the first place.

We had poured out the bottle of our love for each other.  Every last drop was gone.  But as we looked closely at the bottle, we noticed the “CRV” near the bottom, in small print.  Cash Redemption Value.  Whoever created this bottle still wanted to use it.  Even after we had exhausted it’s contents.  We remembered when the bottle was first filled with our courtship and marriage.  We remembered praying together asking our Creator to create something beautiful with us.  We wondered if there was value still to be had from this bottle.  We wondered if we were worth redemption.

Now, as we attend counseling together, I see the value of holding on.  As we learn more about cognitive psychology together, we see our scotomas and acknowledge our limited perceptions.  We are creating a new vivid picture together and we are praying again for our Creator to fill the bottle.  It still has value.  WE still have value.

I share Brendan’s answer on what makes him sad, for myself.  Not every situation is like mine.  There is necessary growth in life and sometimes we must let go to grow.  But now that I have this chance again to create something beautiful, I’m holding on.