Zac Parsons

I felt a number of different emotions when I first saw the video of Elizabeth Lambert from the University of New Mexico soccer match vs. BYU on November 5, 2009.  If you have not seen it yet and you want to dial up your own emotional response to it, here you go:

I had a few people tease me in high school for playing “girls” sports like soccer and volleyball.  While I haven’t seen a volleyball video quite like this before, perhaps the idea of soccer being a “soft” game, even for girls, may be closer to being exposed as quite false.  While mostly tongue in cheek, it is a startlingly violent video.

Like many people, I was shocked and disgusted by how intentional Lambert’s actions were.  Even though the video just shows highlights (lowlights?) from the match, and the tension of the game cannot be discerned from snippets of film out of context, it’s impossible to justify what she did as an acceptable part of the game.  She has been suspended indefinitely, and many believe that she will not be considered for reinstatement to the team until she undergoes serious psychiatric analysis and treatment.  In addition to her reputation as a soccer player, he may also lose her scholarship, and any hopes she had of playing professionally at another level.

Many people can relate to losing their cool and doing something regrettable in the heat of the moment.  Unfortunately, many of us forget what we ourselves are capable of when we see such egregious acts of violence while personally being in a calm state of mind.  Some people have called for Lambert to be expelled from school.  Even others have wanted the police to investigate the hair pulling incident as an assault.  She has even received an alarming number of date proposals from men who would like her to treat them as rough as she does her opponents on the pitch.

After two weeks of dealing with a cacophony of media pundits and Youtube commenters, Elizabeth finally granted an interview to the New York times today.  Her tone varies from one of genuine remorse to explanatory pleading. The accompanying picture doesn’t exactly fit the thuggish girl from the video above.  Although her video seems to show a pattern of dirty play, she has only received 2 yellow cards in her career at New Mexico, which has spanned over 2,500 minutes on the field.  Maybe she did just have a bit of temporary insanity.  Perhaps she should be given more benefit of the doubt.

In fact, the two weeks of time that have passed since this episode and today’s interview have given me a lot of time to think about my own screw ups and shortcomings.  If I were defined by my weakest moments or known around the world by my greatest failures, I’m not sure if I would still be allowed my own web domain www.zacparsons.com.  As it is, people know me by some mix of what I have shared with them, or what they have heard or seen themselves or second hand from others.  Although I make sincere attempts to be transparent, I’m sure that many of my behavioral warts would lose me some friends and comrades if every detail of my life was known.

If what we know about someone is bad, is it fair to label him/her as a bad person?  Do stories of shocking behavior expose someone’s true nature, or is it just a moment of weakness that happened to catch our attention?  Do we poo-poo away our own moral failures as circumstantial, heat of the moment, “you would understand if you were in my shoes” types of events?  Or even if we take responsibility for our actions, do we feel that we need to saddle ourselves with that burden on a daily or hourly basis to remind ourselves of how evil we really are?

Maybe the question I’m asking is: are we all really bad people who happen to do good things from time to time?  Or are we all good people, who happen to do bad things from time to time?  Or are some of us more inclined to be good and others of us to be bad?  I believe that your answer to those questions has a lot do to with how you deal with others on a daily basis.

If you know that you need slack cut to you in order to enjoy life and the relationships around you, take a good look at how much slack you are cutting for others.  Since our country doesn’t even trust Elizabeth Lambert to make the decision to imbibe alcohol (she’s only 20), maybe we should all help her to learn from this and work towards changing her nickname to something more fitting of a human being.

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90 minutes was not enough time to decide the semifinal match between the L.A. Galaxy and the Houston Dynamo last night.  My childhood friend Alan Gordon came on as a substitute late in the game.  During the overtime period, Alan drew a penalty kick that would ultimately be taken by team captain Landon Donovan.

Here is a video of Landon Donovan’s goal from across the stadium with the shooter’s point of view in frame:

Here is another angle on that same goal, with the goalkeeper’ point of view:

From a physical perspective, it’s not really an impressive goal at all.  Most 12 year old soccer players could put the ball where he put it.  If the goalkeeper were to dive to his right, he surely would have blocked the shot with some part of his body.  But he didn’t dive to his right.  He was fooled.  Donovan has become one of the best penalty kick takers in the country.  What’s more impressive is that he has done this with one of the least powerful shots in professional soccer.  A little glance of the eye, twist of the hip, and a fountain of confidence gives Donovan the mental edge in nearly every duel from the penalty kick marker.

Speaking of mental edges, David Beckham is now one win away from making good on his promise to lead the Galaxy to an MLS cup championship.  As you may remember, Beckham was banged up when he first signed his MLS contract in 2007.  Most of his appearances that season were with him battling some sort of injury or another.  Now, he’s 100% and his fingerprints are all over the team.  Even if the Galaxy do not win, it makes you wonder if Grant Wahl want’s to add an addendum to his June 2009 book “The Beckham Experiment”.  With this excerpt entitled “How Beckham blew it“, it’s obvious that he considered the experiment to be a failure.

But Beckham paid no attention to charges level at him in the book.  At least, he did not allow them to disrupt his objectives this season.  His focus was consistent even in the face of loud fan objections, as I wrote about earlier this year.  The guy is nothing if he is not resilient.  Maybe more people will start believing that Beckham’s success has come more from his mental discipline than from his pretty face.  We’ll find out after the final on November 22, 2009.

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Even if you consider yourself a soccer fan, unless you live in Germany, there’s a decent chance that you have never heard of Robert Enke.  That might have changed during the summer of 2010, with the expectation that South Africa’s World Cup will be the most watch soccer tournament in history.  You see, Enke was rising to the top of the German goalkeeper depth chart.  There was a great chance that he would have started a match or two, if not all of them.

With such a high profile tournament, television production companies often highlight stories of human interest among teams, players, fans, or locations.  ESPN might have chosen to profile Enke and the tragedy of losing his 2-year-old daughter in 2006.  Her rare heart condition ended up taking her life, and breaking Robert’s heart as well.  Even with an outpouring of support from friends and fans all around him, Robert became mired in a deep depression.

While you can never replace an individual human’s life with another, Robert and his wife Theresa began the process of adopting a new daughter in 2008.  But even caring for his new daughter, Leila, could not replace the growing hole in his heart as he replayed the death of his first daughter, Lara, over and over again in his mind.

On Tuesday, November 10, Robert stepped in front of a train with the intention of ending his life.  Tragically, he was successful.  Through his suicide note, his wife, and his psychiatrist, we now know that it was a fear of losing Leila that motivated his act.

If you believe that we move toward and become like that which we think about, then it may make sense to you that Robert Enke could not shake his daughter’s death from his life.  Even if it seems incomprehensible that someone could take himself away from his daughter by suicide, in an attempt to prevent his daughter from being taken away from him, that was likely a part of his thought process.

His depression was deep, but it was a secret.  Enke believed that It was keeping this secret that kept his new daughter from being taken from him.  If the adoption organization were to know about his depression, perhaps they would take Leila away.  Knowing the thread he hung on by after Lara’s death, another lost child would do him in.  So even on the precipice of his greatest soccer glory, his future seemed uncertain and dreadful.

Perhaps that is why he traded in his tomorrows for the relief of no longer thinking about the pain of loss.  It’s a shame.  Hopefully his story will reach those living with depression and encourage them to reach out, even at the risk of social or professional peril.

For now, it is time to heal.

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I love David Beckham.  In the midst of somewhat inferior talent, his feel for the game is some times thrilling, and at other times, sublime.  This goal has both.  You can’t put a ball in a much better place than that.  Oh so pretty.

It reminded me a bit of this goal by Eric Cantona from a few years back.  I’m a soccer aficionado.

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It’s been a kind of slow news week, and I didn’t really see anything jumping out at me from the headlines over the last few days.  So, I hopped over to www.time.com, and immediately found something that DID grab my attention.  It was an article titled “Monkey See, Monkey Do: Why We Flatter Via Imitation”.  Since the rest of my article will discuss this article, I will keep my thoughts brief, so that you won’t be spending a ridiculous amount of time on monkeys today.  Unless of course you work here, in which case, I cannot help you.

In wondering what it means to be human, I practically dismissed the notion of learning anything from studying animals behaviors.  But since this is a social phenomenon, it seems to transcend our differences from simians.  The phrase: “Imitation is the highest form of flattery” is usually used to appease someone who has just had their image or actions stolen or copied by someone else, and he or she is not happy about it.  I’m not sure how much time I have spent thinking about how deep this idea goes, but I am thinking hard about it now.

I wonder where the line could be drawn for where our connectedness with others relates to our mimicry of each other.  My friend Ben is a skilled soccer player.  When he takes the field, he is focused and determined.  Almost without fail, when he is involved in a play, his teammates (myself included) raise their game.  We see Ben hustle, and we instinctively hustle in response.  He doesn’t need to ask us to follow him, we just mimic him and do it.

But when Ben saw an opportunity to challenge an opposing player who was about to head the ball, he charged, leaped, and threw himself at the ball with his own head.  When the dust had settled and Ben had an inch long gash under his eye that would require several stitches and sully his good looks for a time, I realized that I had drawn a line in my mind as to where I would stop mimicking Ben, so that I could avoid that outcome.

Whether I am too soft of a player or not (which I certainly am), is not what is most interesting to me.  It’s the fact that what I admired and mimicked about Ben had reached a breaking point.  Now, I would love to blow kisses to Kim during my soccer games, but if Ben began to mimic that, I would have to challenge him to a game of “wanker” (A childhood game of ours that involved at least 2 teenage boys, a swimming pool love seat, and not a bit of the homoerotic sensuality that the name might imply.  You may know it as “king of the mountain”, and the pool allowed us to experiment with all types of suplexes and wrestling moves.  For whatever reason, we called it “wanker”, and I was often crowned king.).  There was obviously also a limit in my mind of what Ben could do to mimic me, and still be appropriate.

What is this dividing line that we must be mindful of in terms of our social activity?  ”Mob mentality” has been researched and documented vigorously, and it has been shown that an individual will behave quite differently in a mob of people than he or she would in the same situation, by himself or herself.  Just because a behavior “seems” right at the time because of the actions of those around us, does not mean that it aligns to with principles that we hold ourselves to personally.  It a type of social intoxication, that many people try to avoid by becoming monks and hermits.  These actions seem too one-sided to me.  I would rather look for the line than retreat to one side and avoid contracting social diseases altogether.

Any thoughts on “the line”?  Is there a line?  Anybody feel more comfortable going the holy (meaning “separate”) route?

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“Joga Bonito” loosely means:  Play beautifully.  It has been said that soccer is the beautiful game.  I won’t argue with that.

I found a great couple of videos on Youtube today that I wanted to share here.  Billy Wingrove watched this Nike commercial about the 1998 Brazilian soccer team at the airport when he was barely a teenager.

After seeing this, he was inspired to become like the players he saw.  He felt that he didn’t have a strong chance to become a pro player, but he did aspire to a level of freestyle soccer where he could complete those moves.  After years of visualization and determination, Nike released this video:

Just a great example of what can happen when one sets a HUGE goal and stays with it despite all obstacles thrown in the way.  I love it.

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From the Fox Soccer Channel:

And from a fan:

Maybe people are quick to forgive and forget if one can perform and offer them something of value.  Seems like Becks is back in the good graces of the Home Depot Center faithful.  Are the fans fickle?  Or did they just need some time to sort out their feelings?

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After a mostly warm reception at an away game in New York earlier this week, there was a noticeably more hostile reception waiting for David Beckham at the Home Depot Center in Carson, CA on Sunday.  Signs saying: “Go Home Fraud”, “Hey Becks, Here Before You, Here After You, Here Despite You”, and my personal favorite “Is evil something u are, or something u do.”  No question mark required on this one, I guess.  It is an interesting question though.

I say that the reception was noticeable, because…. Beckham noticed it.  Check out this video taken right after the blow of the halftime whistle while the players were headed to the locker room.

The fan interviews at the end were classic.  It’s quite easy to see who the Beckham supporter was and who the Beckham haters were.  It’s a nice lesson on perception and bias.  I would want to ask the fan with the drum why it was Beckham’s responsibility to be “professional” towards a drunken fan, as if the fan has more rights than the player.  As far as I could tell, there wasn’t a lot that Beckham did to be disrespectful from his body language, if he did, in fact, offer his hand to the fan.

Why so much hostility towards this guy anyway?  There are at least 10 people who are reading this article right now who don’t give 2 cents about soccer, but will check out something about David Beckham.  And do you know what they are thinking?  Soccer fans are idiots.  And they might be right.

Well, it’s time to show my bias now, if you haven’t already guessed it.  I’m a Beckham fan, so I’m more likely to give him a pass on questionable behavior than a non-fan would.  We do the same thing with our friends and family.  The introductory chapter to Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Blink” has a fascinating report of why marriages work or fail.  It’s all from John Gottman’s research about positive sentiment override and negative sentiment override in marriages.  Basically, if someone does something “bad”, do you say that was a good person who just did a bad thing (positive sentiment override), or was that a bad person acting like themselves (negative sentiment override)?

In reference to Beckham’s critic who forgot the question mark, I would say he is operating under negative sentiment override.  We are all biased, and it is wise to acknowledge this and discover how to live and love with that in mind.

One last piece of my own bias.  With the score 1-0 A.C. Milan, and a free kick in a dangerous spot, a fan with a nice HD camera decided to roll film.  He caught the deflected shot and ensuing counterattack, led by Beckham.  He plays the ball to Donovan, who plays it back across to Alan Gordon, who… hey just watch it ok?

My bias?  Alan and I played high school soccer together at Highland High in Gilbert, AZ.  He was one of my brother’s good friends and he’s the best player I have ever played with.  If I were trying to be objective, I would say that it wasn’t a great goal.  But because it was Al, it was an AMAZING goal!  Hugs and kisses from me, Alan!

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Some people believe that I am crazy.  Others just haven’t gotten to know me well enough yet.  One of my craziest dreams is to go to the World Cup in South Africa in 2010 to watch team USA play.  Not only is it a ridiculously outlandish goal in itself, but I would like to watch the game with Steve Nash.  Yes, that Steve Nash.  He has an unhealthy love for soccer and he is also 6′ 2″.  Throw in his love of fish tacos and we are practically soul mates!

How it all will happen, I’m not sure.  But it is a real dream and one that I swim in from time to time.  If you’re not sure why hanging out with Steve Nash would be such a great thing, just check out some of his commercials assembled below.  I love this guy.

We will see if my dream becomes a reality.  Until then, I’m going to keep dreaming.

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Well, after my recent post about USA Soccer and the lack of passion showed by my national squad, I must now recant.  So much of what I expected from this team was shown to me in the past three games of the Confederation’s Cup.  Heart, passion, resolve, and even a bit of skill were shown in the matches against Egypt, Spain, and Brasil.  I was proud to watch the final game and text back and forth with different friends across the country who were watching with captivation at the same time as me.  I watched it in English, but the Spanish language highlights are just amazing.  Their cadence and vocal crescendo let you know what’s going on.  And who doesn’t love to hear:  GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!?

I am now convinced that the current leadership of this U.S. Soccer Federation has the right leader and players in place to compete at the elite level.  I think that there could be some improvements with a few players, but it finally seems that we have a couple of true stars with Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey.  Neither of their goals were particularly spectacular, but they both showed poise and confidence when nearly all soccer fans of the world were watching today.  I truly believe that Clint Dempsey is the most talented soccer player in Team USA’s history.  I’ve never doubted his foot skills or his striking ability, but I have questioned his heart and attitude.  Today’s match and subsequent tears have changed a lot of that for me.

Sometimes people fail because they haven’t practiced enough.  Sometimes they fail because the opposition is just too strong.  And sometimes, you do everything right, and you still fail.  I believe that is what Clint felt today as he bawled his head off during the runner-up medal presentations.  After all, it was his man that scored the winning goal for Brasil, but it wasn’t due to a lack of effort on Clint’s part.  Just a lack of height.  Sometimes, you just have to tip your cap to the team with superior talent.  If you have no hat to tip, tears of surrender may have to suffice.

I don’t mean to call the Confederation’s Cup “sour grapes”, but I would rather lose this tournament and have a deep run in the World Cup next summer than to win it now and whiff at the biggest stage.  The hunger has not been satisfied.  The United States still has work to do.  Their minds saw a picture of glory.  Raising the cup and dancing along the field were 45 minutes away.  Now, the opportunity has passed, but the picture remains.  Do they have what it takes to realize the picture next summer?  Of course they do.  Will they?  I’m absolutely thrilled to watch them as we all find out.

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It was November 15, 2006…

“My Love” by Justin Timberlake was the number one song in the country, the first Transformers movie was still being shot, and the vast majority  of us had never heard of Barack Obama.  It was also the last time the Spanish national team lost a game. They had been 32-0-3 since and won 15 games in a row. Pretty impressive streak.  It’s even more impressive when you consider the majority of the international games Spain plays are against European powerhouses like Italy, Germany, and England. That should help us all put in perspective how great the win the USA had today to snap Spain’s record-tying streak… and after the way they played in the first two games of the Confederation Cup (see Zac’s June 20th update) it is hard to believe they were even had a chance.

For those of you who didn’t catch Sundays action, the moon was in the seventh house, Jupiter was definitely aligned with Mars, and some how the USA snuck out of group play on a wing and a prayer. The 3-0 win over Egypt looked pretty good, but you weren’t sure if it was American hustle or if the Egyptians (insert Bengals humor here) were just gassed. Well los Estaduos Unidos answered that in a major way Wednesday.

Diving headers. Bicycle kicks. Flying knees. Muscling Spaniards off the ball. Hustle. The Americans didn’t jog back, they got back. Onyewu and DeMerit were monsters in the middle and ensured Timmy Howard got a clean sheet against a team which could be talked about as the greatest team ever. The forwards played smart, and when their opportunities arose they delivered. Landon Donovan lived up to John Harkes’ man crush and made good decisions,  which he usually doesn’t. They found some passion. But I’ve danced this dance before. I’ve predicted deep runs into World Cup, only to see them bounced with a lone point and a bad taste in their mouths. But they can play with the best in the world, they’ve proved it. Winning their first ever major tournament would be huge, and provide the confidence to make a run in next years World Cup.  I’m trying very hard not to get ahead of myself, but it is possible. Have they arrived? Guess we’ll find out on Sunday.

BTW, Sportscenter had a great line today.  Something about the Spanish streak running into “a red, white, and blue buzzsaw”. Epic.

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After watching the U.S. men’s national soccer team this week, I’m at a loss.  Something is wrong, that much is clear.  But, what is it?  And more importantly, how can it be fixed?  I missed the first half of the game vs. Italy, where the U.S. was up 1-0 at halftime, albeit down a man due to a red card.  Whether they played inspired to get to that tally or not, it’s a good sign to have a lead.  The parts of the match that I did see, frustrated the crap out of me.  It’s one thing to play to your individual potential, and be surrounded by teammates who are in some way inferior (see LeBron James).  It’s another thing to underperform individually, and as a team.  Having each player frustrate and bring down his teammates is a sort of social cannibalism, but whereby everyone loses.  For me, that points to leadership.

One of the greatest attributes of the game of soccer is the lack of time outs and in game coaching.  When that whistle blows, it is time to perform at whatever level you are capable of, acting and reacting to everything that happens without time to draw up a play (other than on a set piece).  During the flow of the game, you have to be mental strong enough to believe in your training and your potential.  If you have been a part of a victory against a world class opponent (see video below of Brian McBride’s goal to put the U.S. up 3-0 vs. Portugal in the 2002 World Cup), then that is your potential.  It should bother us anytime we know we could perform better, and we do not.

After watching the Germans in the 2006 World Cup, I was sure that the reason for their success what their upstart, free-wheeling coach Jurgen Klinsmann.  Since he was just fired by Bayern Munich in April, he may be available for international coaching duties.  If the U.S. Soccer Federation believes that Bob Bradley is not the answer at the top, then a decision needs to be made soon.  We are less than a year away from the first game of the 2010 World Cup, and another poor performance will sully the average American’s interest in soccer even more than 2006’s lousy showing.  Our only highlight was getting bloodied by the eventual champs.  Brian McBride is my hero.

Everything that I have been learning about cognitive psychology and human potential for success tells me that the U.S. team is simply not thinking correctly.  Some sort of thought patterns are contributing to a losing culture and a downward spiral.  If it is not the players’ self talk, it must be the leadership.  Who is responsible?  Can it be fixed in time for next year’s World Cup?  I guess we will all know in a year.  I will be in South Africa, cheering them on, no matter what.  With this program, I am in for life.

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